Drunk girl in bathroom: It's so warm it here! I don't want to leave!
Friend: I know!
–Beer Garden, Queens
Overheard by: next stall over
Drunk girl in bathroom: It's so warm it here! I don't want to leave!
Friend: I know!
–Beer Garden, Queens
Overheard by: next stall over
Hungover girl #1: I should go to the gym so I can feel better about myself.
Hungover girl #2: Don't feel bad about yourself, you just got laid!
Hungover girl #1: Yeah, but I woke up in pee.
–Greenpoint
Young woman on platform: Hey, where's the A train?
Guy, pointing at himself with both hands: Right here, baby!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Alan Q Smithee
Fat black girl #1: Remember that time he didn't come out because he said he had diarrhea?
Fat black girl #2: Yeah, and then we went over to his house, and he didn't even have diarrhea!
–14th & 2nd
20-something guy: We do need to get jobs, but it's so hard to get ready in the morning!
20-something lesbian friend: What could you possibly have to do in the morning to get ready? You're a bro!
20-something guy: I always have to set my alarm three hours before I actually have to go.
20-something lesbian friend: You *can't* be serious. It takes you three hours to get ready for, like, class?
20-something guy, totally serious: No, it takes me three hours to get out of bed. After that I just walk out the door.
–Fordham Road, The Bronx
Guy #1, at bar: What?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #3: Really?
Guy #2: Yeah. I don't use condoms. My religion doesn't allow it.
Guy #3: You'll do just fine in prison.
–Dojo's Restaurant, 14th St
Headline by: Incognito
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How the Church Of Barebacking Got Its Start” – Botticus
· “Fortunately for Him, Dudeism Also Forbids Paying Child Support” – Jim C.
· “I Hear There’s a Waiting List for Priests…” – Father Dick
· “It’s Not Losing Your Virginity If You Don’t Use *Your* Penis” – samson
· “Jail: The Last Refuge Of the Religious” – BenGay
· “Stop Calling Our Marriage a Prison” – Sandy Paws
· “The “Abstinence Only” Crowd Finds Their Niche” – again
· “Why Couldn’t My Cell Mate Be More Like You?” – Fresca P.
· “You Already Know How to Turn the Other Cheek” – Kelly
Tall girl: So what happened?
Brunette with bangs: I just didn't respond. I figured that'd drive him crazier. Besides, what do I have to say, really? “You sucked in bed and were too emo for me–grow a pair and learn to fuck”? That's not very nice, and frankly, the whole thing was so weird and casual I was glad it ended quietly.
–Enid's, Greenpoint
Cute young male suit, smiling: Was I erect?
Cute young female suit, smiling: Yes.
Cute young male suit: Did I stay that way?
Cute young female suit: Yes!
Cute young male suit: Amazing!
–E.2nd St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Liz A.
Guy #1: So was it more like Mars or more like Earth?
Guy #2: She said it was more like Earth.
–7th Ave & 16th St
Young woman #1: And I hate him for it! I was always the needy one! So now he's doing what I taught him. Now he's the needy one. That used to be me! And he's using the tricks I taught him to manipulate me! I hate him so much!
Young woman #2: So when's the wedding?
–Central Park Reservoir
Overheard by: The Grozz
