Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it.

–Gourmet Garage

Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.

–NBC Studios

Overheard by: Tracy

Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!

–Central Park

Overheard by: chellie

Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model!

–R Train

Overheard by: Kait

Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off!

–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp

Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.

–East Village

Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today.

–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today

Posted on November 11, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buildings, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Fears, Ghetto Chicks, Grocery Stores, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Southerners, Sports, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

Health Food Fads: 1, Basic Safety: 0

Lady #1: This stuff is really good. It has antidotes in it. It’s good for your skin.
Lady #2: You mean ANTIOXIDANTS. An ANTIDOTE is a short story.

–Barnes & Noble

Posted on November 10, 2021
Beauty, Food, Health and Hygiene, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Women

Is It Even Legal to Turn Down Catherine Zeta Jones?

Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: (gasp) All I know is (gasp) that I would fuck the shit out of her.
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: (silence)
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Are you honestly saying (gasp) you wouldn't fuck the shit out of her?
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: If she was a man…
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Fuck that shit! (gasp) I'm not hearing that.

–Subway Stop, 168th & Broadway

Overheard by: I Would 2

Posted on November 1, 2021
Compare/Contrast, Default, Gender issues, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Women

It’s Really Not the University’s Fault

Woman #1: Did you hear? We’re going into Iran.
Woman #2: Really? Why?
Woman #1: Dunno.
Woman #2: Wasn’t there, like, an earthquake there?
Woman #1: When? Recently?
Woman #2: Hmm.
Woman #1: Well, so much for our Princeton educations.

–Madame X, Houston St.

Overheard by: Djlindee

Posted on October 13, 2021
Manhattan, Stupidity, Travel, Women, Yuppies

Now Let's Get Slurpies!

Childish woman, after burping: I have burpies!
Older, grossed out woman: You said it, not me!
Childish woman: What?
Older, grossed out woman: You just told everyone you have herpes!
Childish woman: I don't have herpes! I have burpies!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Audrey

Posted on October 7, 2021
Etiquette, Farting & Burping, On the Subway, STDs, Women, Words

He’s Taking Over Howard Hughes’ Old Job

Man: Hey, I finally got that promotion!
Woman: Oh my god, congratulations! High five!
Man: Don’t touch me.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Aaliyah Leuschner

Posted on October 2, 2021
Insults, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Men, People, Places, Times Square, Topics, Women

Wednesday Flatliners

Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he's not dead. If you come back and he's still lying there, he's dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed.

–23th & 7th

Overheard by: mel

Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you're going to eat a bad mushroom and die.

–87th St & York Ave

Overheard by: Critter

Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that!

–Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport

Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you're banking on dying young, then?

–Art Store, Williamsburg

Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I've got bloodlust in my heart.

–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: JKW

Woman on cell: You want to be cremated, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we going to do with you?

–Park Ave

Posted on September 23, 2021
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Death, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Men, More museums, Murder, Old People, On Cell, Philosophy, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Women