Girl: So I swept everything into a pile and I walked away for like, a second, and when I come back this little Mexican girl and her mom are seriously dancing in this pile of garbage and totally fucking up my sweeping. Why would anyone do that?!
Guy: Dude, they were Mexican. Garbage is like water to them.
–Urban Outfitters
JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.
–Spot’s Café
JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!
–Hunter College
Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.
–University & 12th
JAP: Bitch, "Jewish" is a religion!
–17th & 6th
NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!
–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Maya G.
Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ponine
Voice over speaker phone: Bitch, I tol’ you stay away! I tol’ you back off! Bitch!
Girl, very calmly: That kinda attitude is why your man is eatin’ my pussy.
–Washington & Lafayette, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: nmf
Patriot: Happy motherfucking America Day, everyone!
20-something: It's called the 4th of July, dumbass.
Patriot: You shut your goddamn liberal commie bitch ass mouth, you fuckin terrorist!
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Woman: That’s enough pushing, people. I’m pregnant and I’m nice and tight up in here.
Guy: That’s why you got pregnant!
–6 train
Overheard by: john chianese
Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re pregnant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July…This is really bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sister is going to go through the roof…No, she doesn’t come back until Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good afternoon.
He makes another call.
Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lauren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s pregnant…Me!
–46th between 5th & 6th
‘That Guy’, after proposing during the game, is standing and hugging his fiancee.
Yankee fan: What are we doing, playing baseball or getting married? Yankees first, wife second! Now sit the fuck down.
–Section 18, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Lindsay
Guy: Dude! It’s the guy who took over Factsheet 5!
Girl: Who?
Guy: Factsheet 5! It was a zine about zines.
Girl: Who?
Guy: Stop saying “who”! Factsheet 5 is not a person!
Girl: What?
–Park Slope
Angry guy: Fuck her and fuck her wedding. I piss on her nuptials. I shit on her nuptials.
Angry wife: I know. I know. But we still have to send a gift.
Angry guy: A gift? I should shit in a box! Tomorrow you get a box from Tiffany’s. Today I eat walnuts!
–Trader Joe’s, 14th St
