Little boy to older sister: Look at that ugly bird.
Older sister, bored: Yeah, wow.
Little boy: I wanna crash it…stupid bird.
Older sister: Don't do that baby, it's not nice.
Little boy: Why not? I just wanna crash it.
Older sister: Because serial killers kill animals when they're little.
Little boy: What's a serial killer?
Older sister: It's something white people do for fun.
–7th Ave & 9th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: I have yet to kill anyone
Falafel vendor: What're you, in a bad mood?
Customer: No, I'm in a good mood. I'm always in a good mood. I'm just ugly.
–168th & Ft. Washington
Construction worker #1, watching hot girl: She cuuuute!
Construction worker #2: Yeah, I would just wanna smell her.
–Bowery & 3rd
Overheard by: Kyle
Man on bus to woman next to him: You have a very nice smile.
Woman: Thank you.
Man: And don't you let anyone ever tell you you're fat. You're not. You're pleasantly plump. There's a difference.
–M15A Bus
Overheard by: Matt
Four-year-old girl #1, looking at exhibit of NorthWest Coast Indians: I like her because she's pretty.
Four-year-old girl #2: I like you because you're pretty.
–Natural History Museum
Overheard by: E. M. Rees
Girl #1: I have a dirty, pathetic crush on Octavian. But really only when he's Octavian. Caesar Augustus, not as much.
Girl #2: I can definitely see that. He was pretty cute. And he was the emperor.
Girl #1: If I'd been around, I would have knifed that Livia bitch and totally tapped that ass. (pause) That imperial ass.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: I'll be your emperor
Guy to friend: So, Kirsten's cute.
Friend: I only like her in her leggings.
–NYU
Overheard by: yomama
High school girl to friend: All guys are either taken, jerks, butt-ugly, or gay!
Black lady next to them: Amen sister, amen.
–1 Train
Salesgirl #1: Why are you going to an ugly boy's party?
Salesgirl #2: Because I'm cool with his friends.
Salesgirl #1: Doesn't he know he's ugly?
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Kaitlen
20-something: He said he murdered someone.
Friend: He's so cute!
20-something: I know!
–N Train
