Suit #1: Why wasn’t Andrew at the office?
Suit #2: He took a blow-job day.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: someone in the wrong line of work
Suit #1: Why wasn’t Andrew at the office?
Suit #2: He took a blow-job day.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: someone in the wrong line of work
Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
–Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.
–1849 Bar, Bleecker St
Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: braincurve
Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
–Trump Building, Wall St
Overheard by: You know who
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
–Key Food, 235th St
Overheard by: Miriam
Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?
–49th & 7th
Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?
–Egyptian Wing, the Met
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.
–UCBT, 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Tobster
Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.
—Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Sara
Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.
–1 train
Overheard by: i like toes
Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.
–34th & 8th
Middle-aged Italian man #1: I’s a-gonna buy dis pickle. It’s been six months since I hadda pickle. I don’t eat no pickles lately.
Middle-aged Italian man #2: Why not?
Middle-aged Italian man #1: I dunno. Every time it’s like I’m-a suckinacock.
–fruit stand near Hamilton & Columbia, Fort Hamilton
Girl #1: But I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at his little white penis in a black condom.
Girl #2: Yeah. Chris’s penis is crooked, and I told him he could never wear one of those yellow banana-flavored condoms, because I might forget I was blowing him and think I was eating a banana.
Girl #1: You’re an idiot.
–2nd Ave & 10th Street
Overheard by: Alia Lesoix
Black guy #1: She wanted to suck my dick watching Sanford and Son at 2AM.
Black guy #2: White niggas don’t understand the principle in that. There ain’t nothing wrong with that.
–2nd & 1st
Overheard by: Errol Stairpath
Guy #1: So this girl comes over and I just want her to give me a blow job.
Guy #2: Yeah, did she do it?
Guy #1: No. She was all like, “I really want to hook up with you, but you won’t respect me if I do.” And I’m just thinking, “Please for the love of God, just suck my dick and I’ll worry about the rest later.” but I obviously can’t say that to her.
Guy #3: Dude, that sucks. It sounds like she’s a total tease.
Guy #1: Yeah. I know man. I really, really just wanted her to suck my dick and she’s worried about all this other stuff.
. . .
Guy #3, as they’re exiting the train: Do you believe we go to law school?
–1 train
Overheard by: Alison R.
Girl #1: So when was your first kiss?
Girl #2: My 17th birthday.
Girl #1: How about your first time making out?
Girl #2: Also my 17th birthday.
Girl #1: …first blowjob?
Girl #2: This is awkward. 17th birthday, again.
Girl #1: How about when you lost your virginity?
Girl #2: 17th.
Girl #1: How about the first time you —
Girl #2: I know what you’re about to ask, and the answer is “my 17th birthday” again.
Girl #1: God damn! What the hell did you do for your 18th birthday?
–R train
Gay guys are on line with a group of straight guys behind them.
Gay guy #1: I think I want a hot dog.
Gay guy #2: I can help you with that.
Gay guy #3: People can hear you.
They walk away
Straight guy to friends: I would make such a good gay guy.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Hogan
