What Would Wednesday One-Liners Do?

Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.

–Q train

Overheard by: A White Bear

Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.

–1849 Bar, Bleecker St

Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: braincurve

Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.

–Trump Building, Wall St

Overheard by: You know who

Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?

–Key Food, 235th St

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on July 12, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Drunks, Jesus, Movies, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t So Vanilla

Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?

–49th & 7th

Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?

–Egyptian Wing, the Met

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.

–UCBT, 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Tobster

Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.

—Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Sara

Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.

–1 train

Overheard by: i like toes

Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.

–34th & 8th

Posted on July 5, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Hipsters, Kids, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Porn, Suits, The Met, Three is Company

Mmm, Salty

Middle-aged Italian man #1: I’s a-gonna buy dis pickle. It’s been six months since I hadda pickle. I don’t eat no pickles lately.
Middle-aged Italian man #2: Why not?
Middle-aged Italian man #1: I dunno. Every time it’s like I’m-a suckinacock.

–fruit stand near Hamilton & Columbia, Fort Hamilton

Posted on June 3, 2006
BJs, Brooklyn, Food, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships

New Ways to Get Out of Sex

Girl #1: But I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at his little white penis in a black condom.
Girl #2: Yeah. Chris’s penis is crooked, and I told him he could never wear one of those yellow banana-flavored condoms, because I might forget I was blowing him and think I was eating a banana.
Girl #1: You’re an idiot.

–2nd Ave & 10th Street

Overheard by: Alia Lesoix

Posted on May 27, 2006
BJs, Manhattan, Sex, Union Square and East Village

I Call Him Redd Foxxy

Black guy #1: She wanted to suck my dick watching Sanford and Son at 2AM.
Black guy #2: White niggas don’t understand the principle in that. There ain’t nothing wrong with that.

–2nd & 1st

Overheard by: Errol Stairpath

Posted on May 25, 2006
BJs, Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Pop Culture, Sex, TV, Union Square and East Village

He Needs to Work on Lying with Conviction

Guy #1: So this girl comes over and I just want her to give me a blow job.
Guy #2: Yeah, did she do it?
Guy #1: No. She was all like, “I really want to hook up with you, but you won’t respect me if I do.” And I’m just thinking, “Please for the love of God, just suck my dick and I’ll worry about the rest later.” but I obviously can’t say that to her.
Guy #3: Dude, that sucks. It sounds like she’s a total tease.
Guy #1: Yeah. I know man. I really, really just wanted her to suck my dick and she’s worried about all this other stuff.
. . .
Guy #3, as they’re exiting the train: Do you believe we go to law school?

–1 train

Overheard by: Alison R.

Posted on May 25, 2006
BJs, On the Subway, Relationships, Sex

NY Age of Consent Is 17 — Coincidence?

Girl #1: So when was your first kiss?
Girl #2: My 17th birthday.
Girl #1: How about your first time making out?
Girl #2: Also my 17th birthday.
Girl #1: …first blowjob?
Girl #2: This is awkward. 17th birthday, again.
Girl #1: How about when you lost your virginity?
Girl #2: 17th.
Girl #1: How about the first time you —
Girl #2: I know what you’re about to ask, and the answer is “my 17th birthday” again.
Girl #1: God damn! What the hell did you do for your 18th birthday?

–R train