Girl #1: Yeah, so Mike and Nicole talk every day now!
Girl #2: What the fuck? Mike never calls me. I haven’t talked to him in weeks. What an asshole!
Girl #1: When was the last time you gave Mike a blowjob?
–Bed Bath & Beyond, 61st & 1st
Overheard by: i don’t want to give mike a bj
Suit #1: So this is Manhattan.
Suit #2: I need a blowjob.
Hobo: How much you paying?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: James Dean
Shrewd consumer: Can you believe it?! A beer costs $7 here! I can buy a hooker and get a blow job for that price!
–Heartland Brewery, Union Square
Overheard by: only in new york
Suit: I’d leave my wife for her if her clit didn’t taste like a spicy tuna roll.
–Chambers & Broadway
Girl on cell: I don’t care how many fingers you put in her. Bottom line is, she didn’t blow you. So I win.
–Times Square
Overheard by: shap
Utilitarian guy: A blow job is better than no job.
–Sex Work Conference, The New School
Overheard by: wendy
Girl: $50 for a 2-minute bj? I’d do it. It takes me 8 hours to make $50. Shit.
–Queens bound F train
Overheard by: Marisa
Dude: So, did she orgasm in your mouth?
–219 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Hipster: I’m thinking of getting that little string thing attached to my tongue cut off so I can eat pussy better.
–Chinatown bus
Queer #1 to queer #2: Well if I’m not giving you head and you’re not giving me head then we’ve got a problem.
–Wachovia, 17th & 7th
Overheard by: Joanna
Chick #1: Blowjobs, yeah, it takes practice. After you do it three or four times you get the hang of it.
Chick #2: Have you ever done black?
Chick #3: No, but it’s so disgusting. Just imagine a black…thing in your mouth. Eww.
Chick #1: It is pretty nasty. It must taste really bad, too.
–Uptown F train
Overheard by: Ting
Girlfriend, to boyfriend walking out of the bathroom: Did you wash your hands? [Takes his hand] Ew! No, you didn’t!
Boyfriend: You put it in your mouth. I think I’ll be all right to touch it every once in awhile.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Clay Parrish
Suit #1: Why wasn’t Andrew at the office?
Suit #2: He took a blow-job day.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: someone in the wrong line of work
Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
–Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.
–1849 Bar, Bleecker St
Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: braincurve
Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
–Trump Building, Wall St
Overheard by: You know who
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
–Key Food, 235th St
Overheard by: Miriam
Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?
–49th & 7th
Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?
–Egyptian Wing, the Met
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.
–UCBT, 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Tobster
Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.
—Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Sara
Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.
–1 train
Overheard by: i like toes
Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.
–34th & 8th
