Drunk queer #1: Hey, let’s get some food!
Drunk queer #2: I don’t have any money!
Drunk queer #1: That’s alright. Papi will pay…if you nibble his foreskin!
Drunk queer #2: Alright. Where do you wanna go?
–17th & 5th
Drunk queer #1: Hey, let’s get some food!
Drunk queer #2: I don’t have any money!
Drunk queer #1: That’s alright. Papi will pay…if you nibble his foreskin!
Drunk queer #2: Alright. Where do you wanna go?
–17th & 5th
Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!
–Houston & Essex
Overheard by: saywhat?
Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…
–R train
Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.
–Bank of America, 6th Ave
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…
–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3
Overheard by: Franco
Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.
–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow
Overheard by: wants to meet the ex
Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?
–14th & 6th
Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!
–80th & 3rd
Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!
–14th St L station
Overheard by: Em
Queer #1: I’m stuffed.
Queer #2: Yeah. I’m not gonna put another thing in my mouth tonight unless it’s a cock.
–18th & 8th
Hot chick: What’s the use of having penis-shaped cake pans if you’re not going to put them to use at least once a year?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Gnometastic
Man on cell: Promise me, when you see the giant penis, you will NOT laugh!
–78th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Stacy in the City
Guy: So I was sucking this guy’s dick… and he has kids!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Ryan
Guido: So did anyone else besides you have a cock in their mouth?
–75th & 3rd
Overheard by: Cody
Careful planner: Now we have to get it out of your pocket and onto your penis.
–168th & Broadway
Guy on cell: So, how many inches do you think I am?
–Columbia University
Teen boy, looking into sex shop: Ooohhh…they got the dick pump!
–38th & 8th
Hipster #1: And the funny thing was… she had no curtains, right?
Hipster #2: Yeah?
Hipster #1: Yeah, and I mean I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that, but what was I supposed to say, “I’m not comfortable with my penis in your mouth right now”?
Hipster #2: Obviously you weren’t gonna say that!
–Duane Reade, 23rd between 6th & 7th
Girl #1: Yeah, so Mike and Nicole talk every day now!
Girl #2: What the fuck? Mike never calls me. I haven’t talked to him in weeks. What an asshole!
Girl #1: When was the last time you gave Mike a blowjob?
–Bed Bath & Beyond, 61st & 1st
Overheard by: i don’t want to give mike a bj
Suit #1: So this is Manhattan.
Suit #2: I need a blowjob.
Hobo: How much you paying?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: James Dean
Shrewd consumer: Can you believe it?! A beer costs $7 here! I can buy a hooker and get a blow job for that price!
–Heartland Brewery, Union Square
Overheard by: only in new york
Suit: I’d leave my wife for her if her clit didn’t taste like a spicy tuna roll.
–Chambers & Broadway
Girl on cell: I don’t care how many fingers you put in her. Bottom line is, she didn’t blow you. So I win.
–Times Square
Overheard by: shap
Utilitarian guy: A blow job is better than no job.
–Sex Work Conference, The New School
Overheard by: wendy
Girl: $50 for a 2-minute bj? I’d do it. It takes me 8 hours to make $50. Shit.
–Queens bound F train
Overheard by: Marisa
Dude: So, did she orgasm in your mouth?
–219 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Hipster: I’m thinking of getting that little string thing attached to my tongue cut off so I can eat pussy better.
–Chinatown bus
Queer #1 to queer #2: Well if I’m not giving you head and you’re not giving me head then we’ve got a problem.
–Wachovia, 17th & 7th
Overheard by: Joanna
Chick #1: Blowjobs, yeah, it takes practice. After you do it three or four times you get the hang of it.
Chick #2: Have you ever done black?
Chick #3: No, but it’s so disgusting. Just imagine a black…thing in your mouth. Eww.
Chick #1: It is pretty nasty. It must taste really bad, too.
–Uptown F train
Overheard by: Ting
