Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Own Kneepads

Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.

–Fashion District

Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.

–78th St & 37th Ave

Overheard by: Jillian

Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!

–2 train

Overheard by: Macaire

Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Jay

Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!

–2nd & 2nd

Overheard by: wishing i did soaps

Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.

–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium

Overheard by: did he get a receipt?

Posted on January 31, 2007
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, BJs, Black People, Eating Out, Homeless, Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, School, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Topics, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

She’s Given This More Thought Than I Am Really Comfortable With

Chick #1: So, who would you rather blow — your mom or your dad?
Chick #2: Well, my mom kinda looks like me, and I think that’s hot, when it’s two girls who kinda look like each other.

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Posted on January 23, 2007
BJs, Friends, On the Subway

Also, You’re a Great Coke Connection

Queer waiter: Hey! I have a question for you! If Santa came to you on Christmas Eve and told you that you were on the naughty list, and the only way to get off the naughty list is to give him a blowjob, what would you do?
Ditzy waitress: Like, oh my god, I would so give Santa a blowjob.
Queer waiter: See, I love you! This is why we are friends.

–Olive Garden

Posted on January 5, 2007
BJs, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes

I Respect Her Too Much to Lead Her On

Teen boy #1: You want her to suck your dick?
Teen boy #2: She did, but I don’t want to make out with her.

–4th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: jayloo

Posted on December 15, 2006
BJs, Park Slope, Teens

I Want to Believe That

Dude #1: Mike’s always talking about how he has no gag reflex.
Dude #2: Would you let him blow you?
Dude #1: Fuck no, I’m not gay!
Dude #2: Blow jobs don’t have a gender.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: chelsea

Posted on December 9, 2006
BJs, Brooklyn, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Parks, Rumor Has It, Sexuality

Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Anything to Get This Part

Girl: Seriously, I’d give, like, 20 blowjobs to get an apartment.

–Barna, 26th & Park

Overheard by: Greg

Crazy guy: I gotta stop eating pussy. I’m losing my breath.

–F train

Girl to guy: If you don’t like oral sex, don’t open your mouth.

–68th St station

Overheard by: liza

Guy defending self to group of friends: I’ve tasted pussy!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Reina

Guy on cell: Which one? Me sucking dick or San Francisco?

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Teen girl: I need balls in my mouth.

–Disney Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Gin

Ghetto teen: And so she was suckin’ my dick, and there was a 10 dollar bill on the table, and — get this — when she stopped suckin’, it was gone! Bitch took my money!

–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn

Overheard by: djingo

Posted on November 29, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Eating Out

Pentagon: Why Didn’t We Think of That?

Ghetto kid #1: Yo, Cam’ron be doin’ some gay shit!
Ghetto kid #2: Nah, but he always calls ‘no homo’ so it’s aight.
Ghetto kid #1: So if Cam’ron asked you to suck his dick ‘no homo,’ would you?
Ghetto kid #2: Well, if he called ‘no homo…’

–B9 bus, Ave M