F–king with the Imports (NYC Short Stories)

Tourist lady: Does this A train go to Jamaica?
NY chick: The A train doesn’t go to Jamaica.
Tourist lady: Is this the A train?
NY chick: Yes.
Tourist lady: And it goes to Jamaica?
NY chick: The A train does not go to Jamaica.
Tourist lady: But I need the A train.
NY chick: This is it.
Tourist lady: I need the A train to Jamaica.
NY chick: The A train does not…Oh forget it. This is your train, lady, get on!

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Cat

Tourist guy: Do you live here?…Excuse me, do you live here?
Black woman: Yeah, what do you want?
Tourist guy: Is this the 6 train?
Black woman: Yeah, sure.
Tourist guy: So it will take me to Grand Central?
Black woman: Yeah, no doubt…But it’s weekend, so you never know where the train is going to take you.

–Q train

Overheard by: Josh

Posted on January 24, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Black People, Directions, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Queens, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Tourists, Women

But Who Will Prevent Cruelty to Imaginary Russell Simmons?

Skinny black acid-tripper to ASPCA ad featuring Russell Simmons: Yo, I can dance. You can’t dance. You don’t exist. [Pause.] Yo, what you said? I’ll fuck you up!

–near Worth & Mott St

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on January 23, 2015
Battery Park, Black People, Dancing, Druggies

Ryan Seacrest? Really??

Huge fat black lady: Dat nigga be bad!
Skinny black dude: Yeah, he real bad!
Huge fat black lady: Dat nigga be ba-aaad!
Laughing black guy sitting across train, screaming: Dat nigga be so bad he be born in jail!

–Q Train

Overheard by: lola

Posted on January 22, 2015
Black People, Crime and Punishment, Fat People, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Prison, Skinny People

He Also Blew the Whistle on Big Tobacco

Hipster girl on cell: Kim, I’m such a spaz! I forgot it was Wednesday, and I forgot I was supposed to meet you for lunch. So I’m on the Upper East Side and —
Black guy yelling: No, you ain’t! You at Union Square, bitch!
Hipster girl on cell: –Sorry. I’m on the Upper East Side and I don’t have time to go downtown right now.

–Union Square

Posted on January 20, 2015
Black People, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Lies, NYC Geography, On Cell, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-liners, Cell Phones

Big black woman: …and they had a white one and a black one, and the white one was 45.99 and the black one was 52.99, so I bought the black one. Cause it was black…

–Best Buy, 23rd St.

Overheard by: Trouble

Guy on cell: Oh yeah? Well, check this out: I don’t care that I’m not invited to your wedding, because you’re fired!

–West 94th St & Amsterdam

Posted on January 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Jobs & Careers, Marriage, Money & Class, On Cell, Race, Shopping, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Thank You, Come Again!

Black customer: Give me a yellow cash card, my brother.
Middle Eastern owner: What’d you call me?
Black customer: I said ‘my brother.’
Middle Eastern owner: No, no, no. We are different.
Black customer: No, we’re not — we all come from the same place. We have the same blood.
Middle Eastern owner: No, your blood is black — your blood is shit.
Black customer: No, my blood is blue just like yours. Besides, if I don’t come here to your store to spend money, how are you going to afford the bombs to blow up buildings?

–488 Madison Ave

Posted on January 14, 2015
Black People, Race, Store

Proof: We Can All Learn From the Homeless

Black hobo: …a Palm Pilot. It’s like a super-powered cellphone. Damn, you’re a ignorant-ass know-nothing white trash motherfucker!
White hobo: Who you callin’ white?

–29th & Madison

Posted on January 12, 2015
Black People, Cell Phone, Hobos, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Race, Stupidity, White People

Kentucy Fried Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to girl: All I know about your baby is that as long as it's in your stomach, it's not gonna be underfed. I wouldn't be surprised if it came out with a chicken wing in its mouth.

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Overheard by: Jaco

Older hipster man, in front of organic section: So these eggs are tortured chicks, and these are non-tortured chicks… Hmmm…

–Fairmay Market, Red Hook

Overheard by: RStein

Black guy: Yo, black guy! Where is the nearest place I can get fried chicken? I want some fried chicken and grape soda!

–Union Square

Random guy on escalator: Fuck anime, I can't wait for that juicy buffalo chicken sandwich.

–Kinokuniya Bookstore

Overheard by: Chris Coll

Posted on January 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Food, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Old People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Store, Strangers, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Which Is So Long It Stretches Around the Black

(waiting in line at the DMV)
Black supervisor with thick Jamaican accent to preppy white mom accompanying her daughter: You sit down. (mumbles something else)
White mom: Did he say “only Africans wait in line”?
White daughter: No, mom, “only *applicants* wait in line.”

–Harlem DMV

Posted on January 9, 2015
Black People, Bosses, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Moms, Questions, Race, Stupidity, White People, Words

Not Counting the Two Hands

Black dude: Yo, you shoulda seen this baby. It was like 42 inches long.
Spanish chick: Yo, no way. That’s like almost 2 feet.

–Q train

Posted on January 7, 2015
Babies, Black People, Latinos

Black People