Brooklyn

Girl to friend passed out on stoop: Michelle! Michelle! I’ma take your picture for your MySpace page! Throw up again!

–University & E 9th St

Overheard by: Thompson

Chick: It’s not like I miss my parents or anything, but it’s just that the toilets here are so gross to throw up in.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Mark Jochens

Vomiting thugette: I don’t even know what that is… Oh, God, that’s pizza!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: traPt

Cute chick: I was way too drunk to do anything but have sex, throw up a pizza burger, and take a shower… in that order.

–The Black Sheep, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Argopelter

Student to another: I dunno… All I heard is that he threw up all over his daughter’s teacher!

–Mercer University

Overheard by: J Dawg

Conductor: Hey, here’s a novel idea — if you have to vomit, vomit on yourself! Not on the ground, on yourself!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dave

Black boy: Damn! Yo’ jeans are tight!
Hipster: Yeah.
Black boy: Can yo’ balls breathe?
Hipster: [Scoffs.]Black girl: Rodney, why you always gotta do that? Plus, you know your ass is dirty.

–Bergen & Smith St, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Man #1: It smells like feces in here.
Man #2: No, it doesn’t. It smells like a dead guy.

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: rebecca

Young boy, pointing at stack of apple danishes: Mom! Mom! I wanna eat a danish!
Mom: Stanley, you can’t eat cheese, and you can’t eat apples. You know this.
Young boy, exasperated: I know! But I can eat danish!

–Washington Ave & Eastern Pkwy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: xander

Texting guy: Hey, I tried to type ‘nipple pasties,’ and the phone knew the word ‘pasties’!
Friend: … Why are you texting ‘nipple pasties’?

–Wyckoff & Stanhope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: smh

Eager Scientologist girl: Do you want to take a stress test?
Man carrying large package, with three kids in tow: I’ll never pass that test.

–Subway, Atlantic Ave

Overheard by: Simon Feil

Guy: Happy New Year’s, ladies!
Girl #1: Yeah, you too.
Guy: Your face is funny!
Girl #2: What? Fuck you!
Guy: I said, the face you made is funny!
Girl #2: Oh…
Guy: Butt-munch!

–Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint

Guy: Do you think Jim’s cute?
Girl: He looks like a baby.
Guy: Like an isosceles baby.
Girl: His head is made of polygons.

–Metropolitan & Lorimer

Overheard by: Olga

Pratt girl: I didn’t know you could think with your name being ethnic and all.
Ethnic chick: Whaaa?
Future Picasso: Her name’s Jewish.

–Classon & Willoughby Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Glad I Didn’t Go To Art School

Old man, with wife: How much is it to Elmont Cemetery?
Car service dispatcher: Will that be one way, or round-trip?

–E 19th St & Ave U, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Arthur