Hey, at Least I Know His Name

Flamboyantly gay guy: So, did you decide whom you like better?
Girl: No. They're both so smart and funny and nice. I mean, you met Jim*, right? What did you think? He's cool, right?
Flamboyantly gay guy: He's definitely cool.
Girl, sighing: But so is Tom*! I don't know. But I do have to choose 'cause Tom is putting pressure on me.
Flamboyantly gay guy: Just answer this one question and you'll have the matter settled–whose dick is better?
Girl, shocked at first, but then earnestly: Oh, well… I've only seen Jim's.
Flamboyantly gay guy: You slept with Jim already?! Slut!

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Posted on April 22, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Insults, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Starbucks, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck

Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.

–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave

Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!

–N Train

Overheard by: I want some ribs too

Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!

–Baxter St & Walker St

Overheard by: Kristin

High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.

–86 St

Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!

–Downtown F Train

Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!

–11st St & 3rd Ave

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Birds, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Masturbation, Murder, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Porn, Queer guys, Street, Students, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Smell My Wednesday One-Liners! Smell Them!

Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?

–City Hall New York Sports Club

Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!

–Union Square

Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.

–R Train

20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.

–Bond St

Posted on April 21, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Asians, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Latinos, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And His Own Stock Portfolio.

Little girl: I just don't understand why…
Dad: Look here: I'll give you the money for the tickets and you can buy the tickets for the movie!
Little girl, sounding less than enthused: Uh-huh. Timmy's five, like me, and he has a cell phone…

–Loews Movie Theater, Lincoln Square

Posted on April 19, 2010
Age/Aging, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Kids, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, Movies, Parents, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

In New York, Even a Compliment Can Get You Beaten Up

Doo-wop busker: Hey man, anyone ever tell you that you look just like Wynton Marsalis?
Black guy who does actually look like Wynton Marsalis: Who?
White woman: Oh! Yeah, he does!
Doo-wop busker: Yeah, am I right? Wynton Marsalis, in the flesh.
Black guy: I don't even know who that is.
Doo-wop busker: Jazz trumpet, man. Genius.
White woman: He's a wonderful musician. You should look him up!
Black guy: Uh, sure. What was the name again?
Doo-wop busker: Wyn-ton. Mar-sa-lis. They ever make a movie of his life, you got it made.

–R Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 19, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Movies, Music, Musicians, Names, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, White People

It Was Truly a Golden Age

Artsy girl with black hair to friend, after singing lyrics to the Thong Song: I know that because my brother used to sing it all the time.
Female suit, walking by on cell: So did I!

–45th & 2nd

Overheard by: can't remember the lyrics

Posted on April 18, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, On Cell, Singing, Suits

Next: Natural-Look Makeup

Pretty girl #1, after hugging pretty girl #2: Oh, you smell good! What is that?
Pretty girl #2: It's the best fragrance ever! It's called “soap and water”!

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Overheard by: i am sooooo using this!

Posted on April 18, 2010
Cleanliness, College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Health and Hygiene

Was She Cute?

Guy #1: What baby?
Guy #2: No, I said I slept like a baby.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Posted on April 17, 2010
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Robbing the Cradle, The Village, Weirdness

The Only Difference Is That We Have Video Of One Of These Things.

Guy #1: I have never peed on anyone!
Guy #2: Yeah, and Abraham Lincoln never told a lie.

–Manhattan & Kent, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on April 16, 2010
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Guys, History & Geography, Lies, Pee

Wait– It's Coming Around Again!

Ditzy girl: Omigod, I just had deja vu. Except it was like for the third time, so it was deja vu of my deja vu.
Ditzy friend: That's really cool.
Ditzy girl: I know. It's like deja vu or something.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: WHAT?!

Posted on April 15, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Stuyvesant

Compare/Contrast