20-ish guy: Hi, I’m Pete.
Teen chick: Hi, I’m Karen.
20-ish guy: I’m normally really shy, but being as how I am on this train, and you are on this train, I figured I’d introduce myself. Do you have a boyfriend?
Teen chick: No.
20-ish guy: Great! I don’t have a girlfriend, either — we just broke up. Where are you heading?
Teen chick: Court.
20-ish guy: That’s great! I just came from court myself!
–A train
Overheard by: Kris, who got off at W4th
Drunk girl: Excuse me… Excuse me, sir. A lady pirate in the next car just violated me. She slid her sword down my skirt, man! For real — she was a fuckin’ pirate! There’s a whole bunch of pirates in the next car!
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Jesse
Girl: You have a stain on the front of your pants.
Boy: I have a stain from your front on my pants.
–N train
Bachelor: I’m going to find out where all the hookers are, and I’m going to buy that.
–2nd Ave & 5th St.
Fratboy to friends: Other than the bleeding, I’d much prefer pussy.
–Peculiar Pub, LaGuardia & Bleecker
Overheard by: Spanky Van Dyke
Wife on cell: Hon, I think I might be pregnant. I’m getting nervous. I mean, my period’s not late, but I feel nauseous.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Snozberry
Guy with hot chick: Yeah, it feels fine! Is your tampon comfortable?
–Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Lazy Mr. Wiggles
Loud lady: You know what my son calls my period?
–Q18 bus
Overheard by: Didn’t hang around to hear the rest…
Female employee: My boss hates hearing about menstruation. Any time I want to get him off my back I just tell him I’m having my period. He puts his hands up over his ears like he’s hearing nails on a blackboard. If he doesn’t leave me alone right away, I tell him my napkin is soaked and I have to change it.
–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Big Larry
Dude: What I don’t get is, how did he get the tampon in his nose in the first place?
–Lower East Side
Man: I don’t like women. I like little boys.
Lady: Um, that’s the only line of that conversation I heard…
–McSorley’s
Woman, falling against man as train stops suddenly: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Man: Hey, no problem. [Gestures at girlfriend] Get a little closer — she isn’t jealous. She don’t mind.
–1 train
Guy in stall #1: $700? Fuck that shit…And she won’t even do anything but dance? Not even a–you know?
Guy in stall #2: That’s right. I said, “If you’re not going to touch me, what’s the point?” I want more than a dance. These girls have it too easy.
Guy in stall #1: Fuck her! I can get a hooker in my room for $300 and she’ll stay till I finish.
–Lace men’s room, 7th Avenue
Overheard by: E.C.
Creepy drunk guy: I'm going to go to the bathroom and then I'm going to come back and hit on you some more.
Girl to friend: I fucking hope not, I think that guy has an open wound on his arm.
–W 12th
Drunk guy: King Kong ain’t got nothing on God almighty!
Sober girl: Stop touching me, you dirty old man.
Drunk guy: I ain’t touching you, woman.
Sober girl: I don’t do trash.
Drunk guy: That’s why I wanchu.
–Q train
Overheard by: Ted Danger, esq.
