Creepsters

What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!

–8th Ave & W 4th

Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Galina

Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?

–Borders, Kips Bay

Overheard by: Emily

Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)

–Lexington & 50th

Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.

–5th Ave

Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.

–A Train

Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?

–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Linda

Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!

–Starbucks, La Guardia airport

Overheard by: Allears

Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Overheard by: deadzebra

Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Overheard by: blkgirl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?

–Broadway & Prince St

Overheard by: djingo

I Can Visualize Her Walk Exactly

Guy: Hey pretty lady, what’s your hurry? Can I have some of that?…Oh, come on, share your candy, pretty lady.
Lady: It’s Pepto Bismol, not candy.
Guy: Walk on, crappy lady, walk on.

–88th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lizzie

They Might Accidentally See Their Reflection

Skeevy vendor to girl purchasing sunglasses: Here, I polish for you.
Girl: Oh, thank you.
Skeevy vendor: You pretty girl. I polish for you. For ugly girls -never.

–St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mariah

No, but Keep Talking

Mook #1: We should get some eight balls.
Mook #2: Ape balls? Like gorilla balls?

–Mulberry & Spring

Pedro Does Undercover Work for Moms Throughout the Tri-State Area

Mother: Honey, your dress is just too low. I know you don’t mean to, but when you wear things that show that much of you, you attract the wrong kind of men.
Scary Mexican man sitting across: Oh honey, you definitely do.
(girl hastily pulls her dress up)

–1 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Better Bedside Manner

Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am finished with med school and I can start working as pediatric gynecologist.

–Class, W4th & Mercer

Girl watching another use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qualified.

–Butler Library bathroom, Columbia University

Overheard by: dr. getoffyourhighhorse

Girl patient: Oh my god. The cute doctor just took my urine sample. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sample.’ Should we give him my number?

–Beth Israel Medical Center

Chick on cell: Yeah, the doctor stuck his finger up my ass because I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve entertained about anal sex are gone.

–12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: What the…

Homeless guy: If you need a gyno doctor, my office is in the box around the corner.

–Lexington subway station

If You Promise Not to Lick Them This Time

Receptionist: Now, if you’re good, Jason, I’ll let you play with the models.
Five-year-old Jason’s dad: What models?
Receptionist: The prostate models.

–Smoke break outside Urologist’s office, 6th & 6th, Brooklyn

Better Money Than Her Allowance, But Longer Hours

Old Russian man approaches teen girl and says something in Russian.

Teen girl: What?
Russian man: You don’t speak Russian?
Teen girl: No.
Russian man: Oh, well you want job?
Teen girl: No.

Russian man walks away.

Girl’s mom: I think he wanted to hire you for an escort service.

–Sheepshead Bay train station, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Waiting for the bus

Well, She Didn’t Have Any Complaints

Drunk Hispanic teen: How do I get to Times Square?
Older white lady: I am not sure… Maybe two stops. [Teen whispers to her.] Good Lord, no! I am old enough to be your mother!

–F train, 57th St

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist