Cashier: What can I get for you?
Customer: Yeah, I want two Crave Cases with burgers.
Cashier: Will that be hamburgers or cheeseburgers?
Customer: What’s the difference?
Cashier: The cheeseburgers have cheese.
–White Castle, 36th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: waiting for the food of the gods
Customer getting tattooed: What's in that spray bottle?
Tattooer, holding bottle that says “soap” on it: Unicorn milk.
–13th Street
Overheard by: res
Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!
–Brooklyn Music School
Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mickey
Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you!
–110th & Amsterdam
Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club!
–Times Square
Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.
–D Train
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Customer: Um, excuse me, I ordered a root beer float, but you gave me a beer float.
Burger girl: Oh my god… I’m sorry.
Customer: I mean, I like your custard, and I like beer, but…
Random guy: Hey, can I have it?
–The Shake Shack
Overheard by: craig and cory
Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn't freshly squeezed.
Barista: Nope!
–Amy's Bread
Caller: Do you have Pavarotti tickets for 2008?
Customer relations rep: Um… No. You do know he passed away, right?
Caller: Yes, but he’s on the program for 2008.
–New York Philharmonic
Customer: So, what’s new? Been a while…
Waitress: Not much. Kind of a weird day, though. [The owner] was in here with his kid earlier, though, and he was doing E.
Customer: Wow.
Waitress: ‘Wow’ is right. I mean, seriously — who does E anymore?
–Pizza Shop, Mott St, Soho
Customer: I don’t think onions are vegetables.
Employee: You don’t think onions are vegetables? Then what are they?
Customer: I think they should be listed separately, in the onion category.
–PAX, 57th St
Overheard by: Tech Support
Woman in store: Let me get a bacon and cheese on a roll.
Deli guy: Okay, bacon egg and cheese on a roll.
Woman: No eggs! I have high cholesterol, I'm trying to stay away from that… Just bacon and cheese on a roll, and put some mayonnaise on it. (mutters under her breath) Pshhh, eggs, you tryin to kill me with high cholesterol.
–Lafayette Ave & Broadway
Customer: I love your fries, I'm so addicted.
Cashier: Have you tried anything else on our menu?
Customer: Actually, I'm allergic to chickpeas, so, no.
Cashier: Oh, man, that sucks. Our falafel is so good!
Customer: Yeah…
Cashier: Well, hey, at least you're not allergic to wheat.
Customer: Um…actually…
Cashier: Damn! How do you live like that?
–Taim , West Village
