Ghetto Hispanic guy #1: So where are you ladies coming from?
Uninterested girl #1: That hipster party.
Ghetto Hispanic guy #2: Yo, we were there too!
Ghetto Hispanic guy #3: But ya’ll probably didn’t notice us ’cause we’re Hispanic.
Uninterested girl #2: Yeah, that sounds like us.
–Lorillard & 189th
Pretty girl looking in mirror: My eyebrows are too small for my face.
Queer friend: My penis is too small for my ego. We learn to deal with it.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Climate Changer
Clerk #1: Man, that’s why medicine has a expiration date. The ingredients go inactive.
Clerk #2: Nigga, are you a licensed physician or somethin’?
–Blockbuster, Broadway & 93rd
Boyfriend: My vibrator is a lot louder than yours.
Girlfriend: Really?
Boyfriend: Yeah, I’m switching to AT&T.
–PATH Train
Overheard by: Not From Jersey City
Punk girl: Can I get a cigarette?
Punk boy: You don’t smoke, do you?
Punk girl: No.
Punk boy: You just wanted a fucking excuse to talk to me, didn’t you?
Punk girl: Not anymore, arrogant cocksucker. (walks away)
Punk boy: Wait! I changed my mind! Come back, I have a cigarette!
–St Mark’s Place
Preppy girl: Come on, you have to go with us.
Athletic girl: I can’t, remember I don’t have a bra on and I have Lynn’s shirt.
–Cafeteria, Queens College
Overheard by: Waiting for time to pass.
Overzealous new mother to oblivious young infant: This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none.
Infant: Wahhhhh!!!!
Mother: No, no, no! It’s ok! That little piggy didn’t want roast beef! He was offered it but he turned it down. Maybe that little piggy is vegan! Yeah! Maybe he’s vegan! Don’t cry!
–NJ Transit
Bimbette #1: No, but according to her I can shit cupcakes.
Bimbette #2: Ohhhh. (long pause) You never know when that’ll come in handy.
–76th & 1st
Overheard by: thewallpaperblonde
Student #1: You know in French they have Ebonics too.
Student #2: Like creole?
Student #1: Yeah.
Student #3: Ebonics, I thought that was some sort of disease, like bubonic.
Student #2: Dude! What the hell?
Student #3: What do I know? I’m an engineer.
–Columbia University Athletics Van
Overheard by: Barnard student
Father, to daughter with Disney princess backpack: And who kisses sleeping beauty?
Daughter: The prince.
Father: He was a pretty lucky guy then, right?
–New Wave Diner, 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
