Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie, loudly: What?!
Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie: Yeah!
Cashier, handing over hot sauce: Have a nice day.
TV junkie: Ohhh-kay!
Cashier, under breath: Douchebag.
–Taco Bell, Roosevelt & Main St
College girl #1: Which way to the Eiffel Tower?
Suit, puzzled, pointing East: That way?
College girl #2: How far is it?
Suit: … About three thousand miles.
College girl #1: No! No! [Makes peak with fingertips of both hands.] The… Eiffel… Tower!
Suit: Yeah, that way about three thousand miles — across the Atlantic Ocean — in Paris.
College girl #2, also making peak with hands: No! No! It’s a… It’s a… The Empire State Building!
Suit, pointing at looming Empire State Building: The Empire State Building is right there.
College girl #2: You have to excuse us — we’re from Oregon.
–45th & 5th
Mom: Get off that damn railing before you fall and your head busts open like a watermelon!
Kid #1: Watermelon? You’re gonna be a watermelon!
Kid #2: I love watermelon!
–Clinton Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: blackbuttoneyes
Fat guy, caught illegally parked to buy and gobble a hot dog: It’s a New York Tradition.
Cop: Move your car, or that’s going to be a hundred and fifty dollar hot dog.
–Grey’s Papaya, 8th Ave
Five-year-old girl: … And then he changed seats!
Nanny: Why are you obsessing?
Five-year-old girl: Because boys are weird.
Nanny: Boys will always be weird.
–29th & Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Woman: Oh, you got an iced coffee? Where do they sell those around here?
Man: This is actually Hennessey.
–Church Ave
Overheard by: Rez
Woman: I’m glad it’s starting soon. I could use some laugh therapy.
Friend: Um, it’s not really a funny play…
Woman: Yeah — I was kidding.
Friend: Oh.
–Waiting to see King Lear, The Public Theater
Overheard by: could use it, too
Drunk NYU kid #1: Hey, sweet dog.
Janeane Garofalo: Oh, thank you.
Drunk NYU kid #2: Bro, that was Janeane Garofalo.
Drunk NYU kid #1: Really? Hey, are you Janeane Garofalo?
Janeane Garofalo: Yes.
–8th & University
Overheard by: persiangroove
Girl looking at giant sculpture of baby just out of the womb: Is that a penis, Mommy?
Mother: No. That’s an umbilical cord, not a penis.
–Brooklyn Museum
