Confused Italian tourist: Excuse me, this go to South Ferry?
Guy: Yes. It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell?
Guy: What? It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell? How I know?
Guy: All the other tourists will get off! Follow the people like you.
Confused Italian tourist: No! How I tell!
Guy: That guy with the camera… follow him!
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Spoke Italian but was feeling unhelpful
Young girl: Ummm…sir, would you like some help with those directions?
Crazy dude: Yes! Thank you.
Young girl: So you have to take this train to 42nd…
Crazy dude: What I need to know is, do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back of the train, to get the shuttle?
Young girl: It doesn’t matter. You just ride this train to 42nd and you get off and look for the shuttle. It doesn’t matter which car you’re in.
Crazy dude: You see, I need to get my head fixed, and I need to know which car…
Conducter: Need some help?
Crazy dude: Yes, thank you. I need to get the shuttle at 42nd St. Do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back?
Conducter: In the middle.
Crazy dude: Thank you!
–A train
Conductor: This is Beverly Road, the next stop will be Beverly Road. Stand clear of the doors.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert
Conductor: This is the last stop on this train, everyone needs to exit the train. (all passengers go out) My bad, this is not the last stop on this train, everyone get back on the train.
–6 Train
Conductor, as train approaches 42nd Street: This is 34th Street, transfer is available to the a and e trains, connection available to Amtrak, New Jersey Transit, and Long Island Railroad. Next stop, 34th Street, Penn Station.
–Uptown C Train
Overheard by: Dara
Conductor: This is Franklin Avenue, the next stop is…I don't know what the next stop is.
–4 Train
Conductor of crowded train: Please do not step onto the train, it is too crowded. There is another 1 train right behind us. Please wait for that one. (doors close) Ladies and gentlemen, there is no 1 train behind us.
–1 train
Angry hipster girl, crossing intersection diagonally: Fuck them! I have the fucking right of way!
Hipster boyfriend: No, you don't! You just walked through the middle of an intersection!
Angry hipster girl: I don't fucking care, I still have the fucking right of way!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Phillip
Yarmulke man: Excuse me, where does this train go to?
Do-rag guy: Florida.
Yarmulke man: Florida? Texas? California?
Do-rag guy: Yep.
Yarmulke man: Okay! Good.
–6 train
Overheard by: Rachel
Conductor #1, over PA: This train will make all express stops to Stillwell Avenue.
Conductor #2, over PA: What does that mean?
–Coney Island-bound F train, 4th Ave
Overheard by: I know I’m getting off at 7th Ave., and I don’t even work for MTA!
Conductor on crowded rush hour train: The next stop is Delancy Street, and I order at least half of you to get off this train at that station.
(train arrives at station)
Conductor: Get out!
(train is leaving station)
Conductor: This is a not-so-crowded f train to Brooklyn. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–F Train
Overheard by: Miri
Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.
–W Houston
Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point.
40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am.
–81st & Madison
Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card.
–Stanton & Christie
Overheard by: Ross
Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!
–Dice Thai, Prospect Park
Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid
Middle aged black lady, giving subway directions: So what are you trying to get to on 42nd Street?
Group of teen girls: Home.
Lady: Homos?
Girls: Home!
Lady: Oh, I thought you said homos, I was gonna tell you to send them to church!
–Uptown F train
Man singing in soulful, beautiful voice: Uptown, nigggah! Uptown niggaaah! Uptown nigga. Uptown niggggah!
Man on other side of the subway, moments later: We going downtown, nigggah!
–F Train
Overheard by: Jay Bee
