Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you!
–Plane, LaGuardia
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you!
–Plane, LaGuardia
Tourist guy: How do I get to Essex Street from here?
New Yorker guy: Go down about seven or eight blocks, make a left, and ask somebody there.
–St. Mark’s Pl & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Drew
Teen #1: We are going to 34th Street.
Teen #2: That’s on 42nd, right?
Teen #1: Oh, you are so stupid.
–1 train
Overweight middle aged Southern tourist pointing to approaching train: Where is this train going?
Semi-annoyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Quite-a-bit-annoyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Deflated girl: It's… Never mind.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Melanie C.
Train conductor on “drunk train” from Penn Station: To your right, you will see a big shiny train. If you are changing to the train to Port Jeff, get off of this train, and get on that shiny train. If you are changing to the train to Montauk, walk through the big shiny train, until you see an even *bigger* shiny train. The train to Montauk will have not one, but two big shiny levels. That is the train to Montauk. So remember: Port Jeff?
Conductor and herd of drunken fools: Shiny train!
Conductor: Montauk?
Drunken fools: Bigger shiny train! Woooo!
–LIRR, Jamaica Station
Overheard by: Sarah
Confused Italian tourist: Excuse me, this go to South Ferry?
Guy: Yes. It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell?
Guy: What? It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell? How I know?
Guy: All the other tourists will get off! Follow the people like you.
Confused Italian tourist: No! How I tell!
Guy: That guy with the camera… follow him!
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Spoke Italian but was feeling unhelpful
Young girl: Ummm…sir, would you like some help with those directions?
Crazy dude: Yes! Thank you.
Young girl: So you have to take this train to 42nd…
Crazy dude: What I need to know is, do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back of the train, to get the shuttle?
Young girl: It doesn’t matter. You just ride this train to 42nd and you get off and look for the shuttle. It doesn’t matter which car you’re in.
Crazy dude: You see, I need to get my head fixed, and I need to know which car…
Conducter: Need some help?
Crazy dude: Yes, thank you. I need to get the shuttle at 42nd St. Do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back?
Conducter: In the middle.
Crazy dude: Thank you!
–A train
Conductor: This is Beverly Road, the next stop will be Beverly Road. Stand clear of the doors.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert
Conductor: This is the last stop on this train, everyone needs to exit the train. (all passengers go out) My bad, this is not the last stop on this train, everyone get back on the train.
–6 Train
Conductor, as train approaches 42nd Street: This is 34th Street, transfer is available to the a and e trains, connection available to Amtrak, New Jersey Transit, and Long Island Railroad. Next stop, 34th Street, Penn Station.
–Uptown C Train
Overheard by: Dara
Conductor: This is Franklin Avenue, the next stop is…I don't know what the next stop is.
–4 Train
Conductor of crowded train: Please do not step onto the train, it is too crowded. There is another 1 train right behind us. Please wait for that one. (doors close) Ladies and gentlemen, there is no 1 train behind us.
–1 train
Angry hipster girl, crossing intersection diagonally: Fuck them! I have the fucking right of way!
Hipster boyfriend: No, you don't! You just walked through the middle of an intersection!
Angry hipster girl: I don't fucking care, I still have the fucking right of way!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Phillip
Yarmulke man: Excuse me, where does this train go to?
Do-rag guy: Florida.
Yarmulke man: Florida? Texas? California?
Do-rag guy: Yep.
Yarmulke man: Okay! Good.
–6 train
Overheard by: Rachel
