Worried-looking middle aged guy to passers-by: Am I walking Uptown?
Indifferent New Yorker: Yeah.
Worried-looking middle aged guy, face collapsing: Oh, no.
–114th & Broadway
Worried-looking middle aged guy to passers-by: Am I walking Uptown?
Indifferent New Yorker: Yeah.
Worried-looking middle aged guy, face collapsing: Oh, no.
–114th & Broadway
Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number.
–Supreme Court Building
Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner!
–F Train
Overheard by: Staying on the F
Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those.
–School, Lower Manhattan
Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello?
–Columbus Circle
Hick tourist #1: Why don’t we get off at the next stop… Bow Ray? Bow Ray?
Hick tourist #2: Bowery.
–Brooklyn-bound J train, approaching Canal St
Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy
Headline by: Jatmos
Runners-Up:
· “1 child left behind” – Reekuhhhh!
· “And ‘SoHo’ Has a Whole Other Meaning Once You’ve Crossed the Mason-Dixon” – julietaroja
· “From the people who brought you nuc-u-lar” – Krisztina
· “Hicked on Phonics did not work at all” – Darvio Harvo
· “If at first you don’t succeed, try the exact same thing again” – Nathan Logan
· “It’s never too early for a Steve Irwin joke.” – hauptman
· “Same situation, but the passerby would call them “Cletus”” – Julie
· “They should probably take off those white hoods before stepping foot in the poetry club.” – erak
· “Tomato, tomater” – Lennyb
· “That sounds kinda gay, Cletus.” – Rich Anderson
· “Why didn’t we let them secede again?” – Nathaniel
Bassist: This is going to Jersey, right?
Bandmate: Yeah, no one would let us go this far if we weren’t.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re going to Hoboken.
Bandmate: Is Hoboken a city?
Bassist: No, it’s a street or avenue.
Bandmate: Hoboken Street, yeah.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re definitely going to Jersey. Someone would tell us if we weren’t.
–Crowded Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: brooklyn3
Foreign hottie #1: Hello. Where is the subway?
Random girl: What subway?
Foreign hottie #2: Any subway.
Random girl: Well, where are you going?
Foreign hottie #1: The subway.
–2nd Ave & 1st St.
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Traveler: Does this A train go near 33rd St?
Conductor: Sure. Get off at 34th St.
Traveler: Is that near 33rd St?
–A Train
Native guide: All these subways go north-south, see, north-south, north-south. So we have to get the shuttle, which goes east-west.
Tourist #1: Shuttle, shuttle! Sounds like something you'd say to someone when you're upset. Oh, shuttle!
Tourist #2: I don't really understand this whole north-south thing.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you!
–Plane, LaGuardia
Tourist guy: How do I get to Essex Street from here?
New Yorker guy: Go down about seven or eight blocks, make a left, and ask somebody there.
–St. Mark’s Pl & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Drew
Teen #1: We are going to 34th Street.
Teen #2: That’s on 42nd, right?
Teen #1: Oh, you are so stupid.
–1 train
