Black chick #1: When are we gonna take off?
Black chick #2: First we have to taxi down to the runway. Then we have to wait our turn. Then we go real fast ’til we get airborne. I know aviation, bitch.
–JetBlue flight to Ft. Lauderdale
Overheard by: Big Larry
Guy to cabbie: Hi, can you take me to Queens?
Cabbie: Can't you see I have passengers?
Passenger, rolling down window: Hi, we're in here.
Guy: Thank you! You are an asshole!
–6th Ave & W 4th
Overheard by: James
Tourist guy: Excuse me, where can I find Washington Square?
Chick: The park?
–6th Avenue & 8th Street
Black hipster girl being given directions: Huh? Crosswalk? What is a “crosswalk”?
Shop girl: Honey, I'm from Ohio and I know what a crosswalk is!
–Vintage Store, West Broadway
Overheard by: Murray
Conductor: Does this train stop in Jamaica?
Passenger: Uh, yes.
Conductor: Oh. Good.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pasty
Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to 37th Street?
Hipster: Seriously?
Tourist: Well, I’m visiting…
Hipster: Look, man… You’re on 42nd Street now. Walk that way, and if the sign says 43rd Street, you’re going the wrong way. Turn around and go the other way. When the numbers go down, you’re going the right way.
Tourist: So, the streets are numerical.
Passerby #1: Jesus Christ!
Passerby #2: Oh, you people stop it! He didn’t know there would be math on his trip to the city.
–42nd & 8th
Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!
–Grand Central
Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.
–44th St & Broadway
Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"
–59th St & Lexington
Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?
–Brooklyn College
Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: christopher james
Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.
–F Train
(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?
–47th & Madison
Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?
–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Didn't want the details
Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski
Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.
–Willets Point, Queens
Overheard by: Random Asian Chick
Hobo: Anyone got any gum? (silence) Pay me in candy!
Conductor: Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, 59th Street will be our final stop due to a power outage.
Hobo: Don't be sorry, feed us.
–A Train
Mother: Okay. The museum is either over there (points across the street) or over there (points back into the park).
Daughter: I don't think the museum is in the park, mom.
Mother: Who says that's the park?
–Central Park
Overheard by: J-Rabs
