Hot male nurse: Is there anything else that’s bothering you?
Drunk girl: Yeah, I want to puke, and I need to get laid.
–Saint Luke’s Hospital
Overheard by: evie
Hot male nurse: Is there anything else that’s bothering you?
Drunk girl: Yeah, I want to puke, and I need to get laid.
–Saint Luke’s Hospital
Overheard by: evie
MTA personnel: I’m sorry, sir, the first three cars are for passengers with special needs.
Drunken Mets fan: My ass hurts.
–7 train platform, Willets Point, Shea Stadium
Overheard by: UptownGirl
Drunk lady: Have you seen my coat?
Girl wearing fake moustache: You didn’t bring a coat.
Drunk lady: Yes, yes I did, I had a coat. I put it right over…
Girl wearing fake moustache: No, I’m sorry, ma’am, you didn’t bring a coat.
Drunk lady: I know I brought a coat — I can’t find my coat!
Girl wearing fake moustache [hula-hooping her hips and pointing to her crotch]: Sometimes my vagina goes like this.
–Red Rock West
Overheard by: rachel
Drunk girl: Is that a bathroom I see?
Conductor: It’s out of order.
Drunk girl: Ok, I’m going in there.
Conductor: It’s out of order!
Drunk girl’s friend: I don’t think we can use that one, let’s go find a place to squat.
–LIRR
Overheard by: hbs
Guy #1: You know what the best thing ever is?
Guy #2: No, what?
Guy #1: When you wake up in the morning and have absolutely no idea what happened the night before or how you got home.
Guy #2: Ummm, not so sure that is the best.
–Brooklyn bound F train
Drunk ponytailed guy: So, like what’s our situation?
Girl: Ummm, what do you mean?
Drunk ponytailed guy: Like do you … want me to come up?
Girl: What part of your ponytail makes you think I’d go home with you tonight?
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Drunk southern sailor: Yo! Where can we get some punani? Dave needs to milk it! I have a girlfriend, and he’s got a girlfriend, but I’m throwing that to the wind and getting on it
Sailor #2: No way man, we’re in our whites.
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: cp
Old drunk guy: You guys know anything about health and nutrition?
Guy: Clearly not, as we’re drinking beer.
Old drunk guy: Oh… Good point. Well, this may be weird, but remember the Holocaust? Yeah, the Germans found out that the best diets are when you eat the same thing that you’re made of. You know… They learned this because, you know, they would feed families to one another but nobody else realized it. This is why it’s good to eat red meat. Yeah, pretty crazy huh? Ok, bye.
Guy: Yikes.
–Ryan’s Daughter, 85th & 1St
Overheard by: Greg
Bouncer: Your ID doesn’t scan…
Drunk boy: Are you kidding? I paid extra for scanable.
–Mercury Bar
Drunk queer #1: Hey, let’s get some food!
Drunk queer #2: I don’t have any money!
Drunk queer #1: That’s alright. Papi will pay…if you nibble his foreskin!
Drunk queer #2: Alright. Where do you wanna go?
–17th & 5th
