Drunk girl #1: I wish Colette* would speak French to us.
Drunk girl #2: That would be, like, so awesome!
Drunk girl #3: Colette doesn’t speak French! Doesn’t she speak, like, Puerto Rican?
–Fordham University Ram Van
Overheard by: Ali McE
Drunk girl #1: I wish Colette* would speak French to us.
Drunk girl #2: That would be, like, so awesome!
Drunk girl #3: Colette doesn’t speak French! Doesn’t she speak, like, Puerto Rican?
–Fordham University Ram Van
Overheard by: Ali McE
Drunk chick: C’mon, it’s only two a.m. It’s too early to go home.
Drunk dude: I got an audition tomorrow for The Dirt. Y’know, that movie about Motley Crue.
Drunk chick: If you go in drunk, they will think you are so rock and roll.
Drunk dude: Okay, what’s still open?
–E 7th & Ave B
Drunk #1: Yo, did you see who was just peeing next to me? Larry David! I think Larry David just sprinkled pee on my shoes!
Drunk #2: So now you’re not gonna clean your shoes ’cause they got celebrity piss on them? Why don’t you sell them on eBay?
Drunk #3: That wasn’t Larry David.
Drunk #1: Yo, then I should kick that guy’s ass for peeing on my shoes!
–Restroom, Cheap Trick concert, Beacon Theatre
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Drunk girl #1: Seriously, I hate guys. From tonight, on, I’m going to be a lesbian. Kara, you can’t say no to anyone — want to sleep with me?
Drunk girl #2: Ew!
Drunk girl #1: That’s a ‘Maybe’!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Laura
Man: ‘Cause I’m like, ‘Seven a.m. is too fuckin’ early for Jesus — too fuckin’ early.’
–Union Square station
Overheard by: DM Cook
Caribbean woman pacing back and forth on crowded subway: Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus is coming! Jesus is on the number two train tonight! Repent! Repent! Jesus is coming and he’s on the number two train tonight. Repent for your sins! Jesus died for you — for men, women, lesbians, gays…
–Uptown 2 train from 72nd St
Overheard by: pimnana
Drunk student: So, she said that Jesus loves you and died for your sins and made the Statue of Liberty disappear, or something.
–Uptown 2 train from 66th St
Overheard by: Avatarded
Homeless man on subway speaker: I am the lord, Jesus Christ. He is everywhere, including on this train… Give Jesus money and food or else hell will come down. [As police approach] Fuck off the lord, nigga.
–1 train, 168th St
Girl to friend: You know what? You need Jesus. You need Jesus!
–John Jay College
Overheard by: Scott
Woman successfully holding many paper towel rolls in hands and an open umbrella between her chin and shoulder: I am Jesus now.
–109 & Broadway
Overheard by: trying to stay dry
Girl on cell: Did I get tanked yesterday? Of course I got tanked yesterday! Yesterday was my getting-tanked day!
–79th, between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Little boy buying a soda: Can I drink mine inside a paper bag like Daddy does?
–Church & Chambers
Drunk: I’ll be so hungover for my AA meeting tomorrow!
–Time Square
Customer: Yeah, I haven’t seen a lot of alcoholics around lately. I wonder why?
–Joe Jr’s, 6th Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: Joe (but not Jr.)
Hobo: Anyone have a nickel or dime that I could put toward the purchase of alcohol?
–St. Marks & Ave A
Overheard by: rennysgirl
Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?
–C train
Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.
–Live Bait, 23rd St
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.
–55th & 6th
Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland
Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!
–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!
–L train
Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton
Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.
–58th & Broadway
Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.
–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Black guy #1: It ain’t Halloween until you hit the ground.
Black guy #2 to friend trying to help a drunken princess: Don’t touch the white girl!
–7th & Greenwich
Hot male nurse: Is there anything else that’s bothering you?
Drunk girl: Yeah, I want to puke, and I need to get laid.
–Saint Luke’s Hospital
Overheard by: evie
MTA personnel: I’m sorry, sir, the first three cars are for passengers with special needs.
Drunken Mets fan: My ass hurts.
–7 train platform, Willets Point, Shea Stadium
Overheard by: UptownGirl
