Juvenile Wednesday One-Liners

Second grader: Earth is the greatest planet in the whole world!

–125th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Yes, I’m his teacher.

Little boy to younger brother in elevator: Stop! It’s like the hospital, you can’t touch anything!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: student

Little girl: Big Brother is watching!

–Franklin St & Church St

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Little boy: Yo, digit, you don’t get any pussy, how you gonna say she ugly?

–Corsa Ave, the Bronx

Overheard by: Edward Carney

Little girl to other little girl wearing school uniform: You look like a woman. Go change!

–116th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Little girl: Excuse me, where is the drugstore? I mean, where are the drugs?

–Duane Reade, 7th Ave & Flatbush

Overheard by: Cupcake

Little boy: I can’t wait to get home so I can scratch my crotch!

–6th Ave & 17th St

Posted on November 8, 2006
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Beauty, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Druggies, Drugs, Duane Reade, Elevators, Fashion, Favorites, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Manhattan, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, The Bronx, Topics, Vagina, Venues, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Owner: Actually, I Like a Gentle Up-and-Down Motion — The Roughened Tongue Will Be Ideal

Broker: This is not a pet-friendly property.
Girl: Does it matter if my cat is toilet-trained?
Broker: I don’t understand.
Girl: My cat doesn’t have a litter box. It uses the toilet. Does that help?
Broker: I am not sure if that makes a difference. How did you do it?
Girl: I used a training kit. CitiKitty.
Broker: It might impress the owner, but I am not sure it makes a difference. Does your cat flush?
Girl: It will if that helps me get the apartment.

–82nd & Columbus

Posted on September 25, 2006
Animals & Nature, Favorites, Girls, Manhattan, Only in New York, Pee, People, Places, Poop, Real Estate, Topics, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets

He Eats Some of Them While They’re Still Alive

PETA activist: Excuse me, do you love animals?
Smart-Ass queer: Yes…They’re delicious.
PETA activist: Murderer!!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: very entertained carnivore

Posted on August 29, 2006
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Favorites, Manhattan, Places, Queers, Topics, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence

OJ’s Kids Get Upset About the Strangest Things

Girl #1: My dad bugs me, too. He’s always buying orange juice because it costs less than other juices.
Girl #2: I’m sorry.
Girl #1: Now I fucking hate orange juice. What the fuck is that about? Orange juice is like a cheap whore to me now.

–Upper West Side

Posted on August 29, 2006
Anger Management, Dads, Family Ties, Favorites, Food, Money & Class, Parents, Prostitutes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Not as Annoying as My Daddy Never Speaking English

An ice cream truck is going up the street.

Little girl in wagon: Daddy, that truck song is annoying.
Hipster dad: Yes, the commodification of your desires is annoying, isn’t it?

–Bedford & N 10th

Overheard by: susan

Posted on June 23, 2006
Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Dads, Favorites, Food, Hipsters, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Music, Parents

They Don’t Have Delivery on Her Planet

Woman: Damn, that Mexican is hungry.
Mexican with 10 bags: I’m the delivery boy, you dumb fuck.

–100th & Broadway

Overheard by: robby b

Posted on June 15, 2006
Ethnic Food, Favorites, Food, Latinos, Manhattan, Mexicans, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, People, Places, Topics, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Better Luck Next Time

Desi kid #1: Shit I didn’t know Brooklyn was this advanced.
Desi kid #2: Isn’t that the Water Street dorm?
Desi kid #1: Oh yeah…
Desi kid #2: We didn’t quite make it off Manhattan, it seems.

–Water St

Overheard by: Innocenti

Posted on June 12, 2006
Brooklyn, College, Desi, Favorites, History & Geography, Manhattan, NYC Geography, NYU, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Her People Love Fashion at a Bargain

Older woman: Excuse me, miss?
Younger woman: Yeah?
Older woman: Your veil, your burqa is very beautiful. I didn’t know your people were allowed to wear it in bright colors.
Younger woman: It’s not a burqa, it’s a poncho. I’m Jewish. It’s for the rain. I got it at TJ Maxx.

–53rd & 7th

Overheard by: Pam

Posted on June 9, 2006
Fashion, Favorites, Jews, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Old People, Religion

He Thinks That Means a Blanket

Girl: Do you ever think about us? Like, how many more of us there are than of you?
Professor guy: Of course. That’s why I always pack heat.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Jeff

Posted on February 6, 2006
College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Favorites, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, People, Places, School, Students, Teachers/Professors, Topics, Venues, Violence

Favorites