Businessguy: Hi, small Earl Grey tea with milk, please.
Deli man: What kind of tea?
Businessguy: Earl Grey.
Deli man: How many sugars you say? Two?
–Deli, Wall & Water
Businessguy: Hi, small Earl Grey tea with milk, please.
Deli man: What kind of tea?
Businessguy: Earl Grey.
Deli man: How many sugars you say? Two?
–Deli, Wall & Water
Girl: I’ll have an everything bagel, scooped out and toasted with five egg whites and extra cheese but not too much extra cheese that it’s gooping out, just like one slice more than you normally would use. Oh, and make sure the eggs are well done.
–Pick a Bagel on Third, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Benjamin Steger
Girl: Why do they have to be so rude here?
Guy: I feel like I’ve been gang raped with a 12 inch loaf.
–Subway, Rockefeller Center concourse
Teen guido boy #1: I was going down on her and her pussy tasted like peach Snapple.
Teen guido boy #2: The iced tea, right?
–Colonnade Diner, Staten Island
Dude #1: So it’s either lots of bran every day, or just wake up to a cigarette and coffee. Works for me every time.
Dude #2: So there’s a health benefit to your vices, huh?
Dude #1: I guess so.
Dude #2: I wonder if gay guys have good shits. Maybe that’s a benefit of anal sex.
Dude #1: I’ll stick to cigarettes and coffee, thanks.
–Starbucks, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: iiams
Girl: Excuse me, is you popcorn kosher?
Counter guy: Um…I, ah, I dunno.
Girl: Do you even know what kosher means?
Counter guy: Hey, Geraldo. Is our popcorn kosher?
Geraldo: What the fuck’s kosher?
–Loews 84th Street Theatre 6
Black woman: My god. This bagel is hard as a rock!…I mean I can’t eat this shit. Can you eat this shit?
White guy: I’ll eat it.
Black woman: Ugh.
White guy: Well if you dont want to eat it, I’ll eat it. I’m hungry.
Black woman: I’m just sayin’ it’s the worst goddamn bagel I’ve ever had.
White guy: Honey, it’s from Dunkin’ Donuts. What do you expect? Domino’s ain’t good pizza and Olive Garden ain’t good Italian, either.
White chick: Dude! Next thing I know you’ll be telling her there is no Santa Claus. Go easy.
–Borough Hall 4/5 station
Overheard by: phil j
Guy #1: Yo man! You look smart…You know what language that is?
Man: English.
Guy #1: Ha, ha! Yo man, I was jus’ playin’ wit you! But for real, you know this one?
Man: Italian.
Guy #2: Whoa.
Guy #1: What about this one?
Man: German…French…Korean…
Guy #1: Dude, that’s sick…that’s genius. What do they call that? Polyner or something?
Man: A polyglot. Polaner is jam.
–2 train
Overheard by: Mikey
Bags woman: Ladies…Gucci, Prada, Louis! Ladies…
Hot dog guy: Ladies, get your Gucci hot dogs here…Prada hot dogs!
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Lori
Guy #1: Hey man, do you want these chips?
Urchin boy: No.
Guy #2: I guess beggars can be choosers.
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Mathew J
