Girl #1: I think I’m starving myself.
Girl #2: Me too!
–Leon M. Goldstein High School
Girl #1: I think I’m starving myself.
Girl #2: Me too!
–Leon M. Goldstein High School
Girl walking with friend: Well how about a fist to your vagina!?
Friend: [Looking around.] Uhh you really don’t want to be saying that right now.
–Jay Street
White girl: I feel like saying: “Nigga, I don’t want your purses. You don’t know Louis Vuitton like I do. I fucked his ass last night.” Finna hit ’em with my nine inch.
Friend: Or you could just get shot…
White girl: Shit nigga, look at my ass with my North Face and pearls talkin nigga-trash…I’m bouta get shot nine times.
Friend: 50 style nigga.
–Canal St
Overheard by: oh white girls
Girl: I found a giant pill on the floor.
Friend: Oh nice! Giant pill!
Girl: Giant pill!
Friend: What kind is it?
Girl: I dunno, it doesn’t have anything written on it.
Friend: Nice! Those are the best kind! I call them surprise me pills, take it and see what happens!
–D Train
Girl to friend, after other girl leaves room: She’s cool. I like Jovanna.
Professor: You like Jovanna?!…I don’t. Professor breaks into laughter.
–Bard High School Early College
Michelle: Hey, I wanted to go first, what the hell! You always cut me!
Asian friend, playfully sarcastic: Haha, hey, relax there, tiger. Ohhh yeah, everything is all about Michelle! Did you hear that sir, it’s all about Michelle? Don’t mess with her!
Michelle: Haha, shut up!
[Thirty seconds later.]Bus driver, on intercom: Just so everyone is aware, it’s all about Michelle. Don’t mess with that one.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Man: [Really disgusting burp.]Friend: That’s gross.
Man: That’s not gross. You eat, you shit, you burp, you fart. Welcome to New York, ladies.
–Shop, Chinatown
High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.
–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn
13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelly
Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.
–36th St & Fifth Ave
Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.
–Prem-On Thai
Overheard by: office peon
Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.
–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd
Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!
Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: that’swhathesaid
Seven-year-old boy to friend: What are you, drunk or something?
–Union Square
Ten-year-old boy to mom: Let’s get drunk! [Starts dancing.]
–W 45th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Jon A.
Dad to three-year-old: Well, I don’t know, will you buy me a beer?
–79th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: s h
[Tiny boy is making weird faces at the window.]Sister: Mommy, I think he’s drunk.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Becca
Trashy Boston girl: I love little children. They are like little drunk real people. Except that one, because she’s foreign.
–Madison Square Garden
Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny…
–Broadway Caribou Coffee
Overheard by: jenny Lui
Man, to friend: So, he says to me "Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it."
–46th, b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: christine
30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird.
–7th Ave
Overheard by: James from Jersey
Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat!
–21st & 6th
20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Tater
Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles!
–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Rose Fox
