Girl #1: I’ve been doing eHarmony, and all of the guys they’ve matched me with have fit my personality really well.
Girl #2: I want to try eHarmony.
Queer: You’re getting married in, like, three months.
Girl #2: I know… I’m just curious.
–Uptown 6 train
Overheard by: I Know a Good Divorce Lawyer
Chick #1: You know what today is a perfect day for?
Chick #2: Shopping?
Chick #1: No. Gaelic football!
–87th & 2nd
Girl #1: Yeah, so Mike and Nicole talk every day now!
Girl #2: What the fuck? Mike never calls me. I haven’t talked to him in weeks. What an asshole!
Girl #1: When was the last time you gave Mike a blowjob?
–Bed Bath & Beyond, 61st & 1st
Overheard by: i don’t want to give mike a bj
Guy: I don’t know if you believe in reincarnation or anything, but I just have this feeling that my mother and I have a lot of shit to work out. Maybe in my next life she’ll just be my cat or something.
Girl: What would you name her?
Guy: Pussy.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Girl #1: Yeah, I need to buy a new cell phone; mine is broken.
Girl #2: How come.
Girl #1: I dropped it in the sand during my vacation.
Girl #2: That’s how it broke?
Girl #1: No, it was fine but the sand was all over it, so I decided to rinse it clean with pouring water from the bathroom sink.
–Central Park
Girl #1: He’s a whore.
Girl #2: A man-slut?
Girl #1: Yeah, but with the same woman for the last five years.
Girl #2: That’s like calling your mom a slut for being married to your dad.
–32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: K.A.
Chick #1: Blowjobs, yeah, it takes practice. After you do it three or four times you get the hang of it.
Chick #2: Have you ever done black?
Chick #3: No, but it’s so disgusting. Just imagine a black…thing in your mouth. Eww.
Chick #1: It is pretty nasty. It must taste really bad, too.
–Uptown F train
Overheard by: Ting
Belgian friend: Have you ever been to Belgium?
American friend: Yes. Five times.
Belgian friend: Really? Five times? What did you think of it?
American friend: It was beautiful, and the food was fantastic. But I noticed the people there looked so sad and depressed. Although I did see a certain pride in their faces…like they know they make great products.
Belgian friend, thoughtfully: Mmmm, yes. We do make great products.
–Joyce Theater, 19th & 8th
Overheard by: Shannon
Skater dude #1: I am mad smart, yo. My parents won’t even tell me my IQ. It’s so high they’re afraid to.
Skater dude #2: I seriously doubt that, man.
Skater dude #1: No, my sister’s way smart. She’s getting her Master’s degree, and my parents told me mine was higher than hers.
Skater dude #2: Dude, she could be smart but you could totally not be. It skips a generation.
Skater dude #1: Not in my family it doesn’t.
–3rd St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: eiaboca
Guy: Man, I can’t wait. Another half an hour and I can go get fucked up.
Friend: You goin’ out?
Guy: Nah, I got work!
–125th & Riverside
Overheard by: Egg Bird
