Trainer guy #1: How do you say “sixty-nining” in Chinese?
Trainee lady: I don’t know…How do you say it in Trinidadian?
Trainer guy #2: There is no language called Trinidadian. They speak English. It was a British colony.
Trainee lady: What happened?
–New York Health & Racquet Club, Whitehall Street
Black girl: I didn’t want to say this in there, but have you noticed how all Mexican men working in bars and restaurants look the same?
White girl #1: Well I bet they all think that white women look the same.
White girl #2: Well all elephants probably look the same to gorillas.
–West 3rd Street & 6th Avenue
Girl: When you were talking about Saddam Hussein, it reminded me of Osama bin Laden. Wasn’t he born here or something?
Professor lady: No…
Girl: Then he grew up here?
Professor: No…
College girl: Oh, right! He came here to go to an Ivy League, didn’t he?
–Tisch Hall, West 4th Street
Hobo: What’s the best in the nation? Hey you, what’s the best in the nation?
Guy: The best what?
Hobo: In the nation. What’s the best in the nation?
Girl #1: The best what in the nation?
Hobo: You know, like country.
Girl #1: Oh, you mean what’s the best country?
Hobo: Yeah. Nation.
Girl #1: The United States!
Hobo: Wrong!
Girl #2: Red Sox nation!
Hobo: Wrong!
Guy: Nigeria?
Hobo: Wrong! The best in the nation…the best nation is a donation! Gimme a nickel.
–2nd Avenue & 7th Street
Overheard by: Carmen Nobel
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, you have camel toe!
Drunk girl #2: Why are you looking at my pussy?
–2nd Avenue between 7th & St Marks
Teen boy: I did the stupidest thing yesterday.
Teen girl: What?
Teen boy: I went up to the cops with my bag open, and I was like,
“Wanna search me? Wanna search me?” and they were like, “Okay.”
Teen girl: Ha, ha. You busted.
Teen boy: Yeah. They took half my condoms but they left everything
else.
–40th Street station
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
Girl: Oh, he’s constant, all right. He’s a constant asshole.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Chick: Who knew losing your virginity was so traumatizing? I thought it was a one time thing and then it’s over.
–13th & 5th
Overheard by: Evil Eye
Girl on cell: Tell me what to do before I kill myself.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Shara Bailey
