Other Parts Of My Body Would Love a Hug, Though.

Hippie girl: Free hugs! We're giving out free hugs today! (to preppy guy on park bench) Hey! Would you like a free hug today?
Guy: No, thank you.
Hippie girl: Why not?
Guy: Actually, I just had a minor surgical procedure on my abdomen. I shouldn't hug anyone until it heals.
Hippie girl: Well, that sucks. A hug might make you feel better, though!
Guy: I'm pretty sure that a hug would open up the incision on my abdomen from the surgical procedure. I'm told this would increase my odds of infection. Thanks anyway, though.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Double-M

Posted on April 9, 2015
Body Parts, Free stuff!, Guys, Hippies, Hugs, Offers and requests, Preppies, Questions, Surgery, Union Square and East Village

Don’t You Realize They Can’t Hear You?

Announcement: …and please remember to take your personal belongings with you…
Guy: Did you hear that? Personal belongings! Don’t they know how redundant that is?

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Posted on April 8, 2015
Anger Management, Guys, Staten Island Ferry

You Should Only Fuck with People in the Evening

Health nazi: Y’know, smoking is bad for your health.
Security guard: So is fucking with people at 8:30 in the morning.

–28th & Park

Posted on April 8, 2015
Guys, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Smokers & Smoking

At Last, Someone Who Shares My Passion!

Girl in line: And that’s when I told him that if he’s going to keep masturbating in a glass box, at least I shouldn’t have to… (stops, realizing everyone is listening)
Guy in line to friend: That is so going in my blog.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Posted on April 8, 2015
Default, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Internet, Masturbation, NYU, Offers and requests, Theater, Washington Square Park

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Posted on April 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Farting & Burping, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Licking, Lower East Side, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

But I Could Play Your Dad on a CW Show

Guy #1: I was like, ‘You can’t oooh me! You’re three years younger than me! I could be your dad!’
Guy #2: No, you couldn’t…
Guy #1: Well, not biologically…

–Columbia University

Posted on April 7, 2015
Age/Aging, Columbia (& Barnard), Guys

Maybe I’ll Smoke This One with My Ass

Girl: Oh my God, that’s what a smoker’s lung looks like?
Guy #1: Whoa… Yeah, I guess it is. Look, that’s what a cancerous lung looks like.
Girl: That is disgusting.
Guy #1: Really is.
Guy #2: Putrid. Absolutely grotesque.
Guy #1: Really makes you think twice about smoking. I really need a cigarette.

–Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Posted on April 7, 2015
Cancer, Girls, Guys, Lower Manhattan, Smoking

And I’ve Got that on VHS, So It’s Cool

Dude #1: Did you get that video yet?
Dude #2: No. Besides, my DVD player is broken.
Dude #1: No shit! Dude, that sucks.
Dude #2: Sure does… But not really — there aren’t too many good movies, anyway.
Dude #1: Yeah, just Predator.

–Locker room