Guys

Dude #1: Mmm, avocados!
Dude #2: Nature’s butter.
Dude #1: I thought butter was nature’s butter…

–34th St Diner

Overheard by: Lauren

Black guy, yelling out of his car at cute girl crossing the street: Hey! You look like yo' white boyfriend call you fat, but mama, that alllllll good!
Cute girl: I have never felt so offended and so complimented at once. (deadpan) This must be love.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: aenigma

Girl: Does your tan go away quicker when it’s cold out?
Guy #1: Yeah, it’s like why water turns white when it freezes.
Guy #2: You two are both idiots!

–58th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jester

Guy: You can get it at Duane Reade.
Girl: What's that?
Guy: Duane Reade?
Girl: Yeah.

–Varick & Spring

White guy: This Chinese woman at the restaurant kept staring at me, all angry looking, and staring at my chopsticks, like I was doing something wrong with them. Like, some etiquette thing or something. I know you’re not supposed to, like, stick the chopsticks into rice.
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, you never do that.
White guy: I know! But I looked down, no rice, no nothing, I was done with my food, they were just sitting on the plate. I think maybe she was trying to get me to think I was doing something wrong so that, you know, I’d get all self-conscious.

–6 train

Straight guy #1: I saw this show on TV about guys who would date girls even if they have a penis ‘cuz they were so hot!
Straight guy #2: Penis is definitely the deal breaker for me.

–187th St & Broadway

Guy: Dude, you're pregnant.
Girl: I know…sucks, right?

–Greenwich Village

50-something guy #1: I mean, I like being with her, I just feel we have nothing to talk about.
50-something guy #2: You have to admit it wasn't really the conversation you got into the relationship for.
50-something guy #1: I know. But I still wish we connected more.
50-something guy #2, exasperated, suddenly much louder: Well, then you shouldn't have left your wife for a 19-year old!

–Asphalt Green Gym

Overheard by: Richard

Guy: They’re George Strait jeans.
Girl: I love George Strait. He’s a hottie.
Guy: He only gives his name to the best.
Girl: Didn’t he give his name to that tractor place?
Guy: It must have been the best tractor.

–NYU Law commons area, W. 3rd St.

Overheard by: Micah Prude

Guy #1: Man, in my family the only time we hug is at the airport.
Guy #2: My family never touches each other.
Guy #3: When my family gets together we don’t touch, make eye contact, or speak.

–Deluxe, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jenni