Guys

Wednesday One-liners Do Their Civic Duty

Guy: That’s crazy, man. That’s worse than crazy, that’s fucking psychotic! Seventy dollars for a fucking permit. Seventy, eighty dollars for a moving violation, that I understand. But seventy dollars for a fucking permit? The fucking well is running dry!

–Prospect Avenue station

Overheard by: Alison

Teen girl: Let’s order together but have them put it in separate bags. We’ll pay less tax that way.

–Wendy’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Nathan Kipe

Tourist:…no, really! The streets are so clean!

–24th & Broadway

Overheard by: Manhattman

There Were Piles of Matzoh Balls Everywhere

Girl: Is that soup place the Soup Nazi? Did he go out of business?
Guy: Yeah, ever since Soup V.E. Day…

–55th & 8th

Overheard by: Lindsay Robertson

Terror Alert Level: Indifferent

Guy: I think Ground Zero is kind of interesting. There’s nothing there, but it’s kind of cool. Also, if you walk along 5th Avenue there’s a lot of cool stores.

–V train

Fat lady: Well, this was worth the cab ride, I guess.

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: Eileen Donnelly

Foreign tourist: Excuse me, where is the World Trade Center?
Woman: Um, they’re gone.

–Church & Warren

Overheard by: Clay Caviness

Those Discs Better Be Shaved and Licked Clean

Chick: Do you trust me with your CDs? I’ll try not to scratch them or anything.
Dude: I trust you with my balls. I think I’m OK with you touching my CDs.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Djlindee

I Think Those Stories Stink

Girl: One of my favorite stories is about my dead friend Kim.
Guy: Oh, I love the dead Kim stories.

–Dos Cominos, Park Ave South

Overheard by: Scott

They Talk Smack About You, Too

Girl: I like dogs!
Guy: Yeah, right.
Girl: Actually I’m violently allergic to them.

–Houston & Eldridge

NYC: 1000 Cultures, 1000 Stereotypes

Short guy: You from Guyana?
Black chick: Yes, I am.
Short guy: Damn! I can always tell a Guyanese woman!
Black chick: Oh yeah? How?
Short guy: By your front teeth. You all have that funny gap thing going on. See? You got it too!

–3 train

Overheard by: Karen Seiger

Build a Relationship with Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Every time I date Greek men I get fat…Every single time!

–South Cove, Battery Park City

Guy on cell: I know man, sometimes I wish you were her husband instead of me.

–Starbucks, Union Square West

Overheard by: alison

Chick on cell: …so I said, “Stop calling me. It was a one night stand.”

–F train

Black queer: So who is this guy, anyway? Has anybody even met this guy you say you’re dating? Or is he like that “Bob” guy you put in your car so you can drive in the H.O.V. lane?

–Times Square

Guy: She has…two one-eyed cats. She’s never getting engaged.

–Madison Square Park

“Specifically, I ate a box of Fig Newtons all by myself.”

Guy #1: I had one of the best karaoke experiences of my life the other night.
Guy #2: Seriously?
Guy #1: Oh yeah. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of great karaoke experiences in my life. There has been few times where I’ve gotten up there and did not receive physical pleasure afterwards.

–40th & 3rd

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Where Are They Now?: Kathleen Kennedy Townsend

Preppy guy: Are you sure?
Non-Preppy guy: I’m telling you…I think she’s a prostitute.
Preppy guy: She doesn’t have the face for it.
Non-Preppy guy: I know, but she does have the body.
Preppy guy: That’s a fucking shame if she is one. Her family has billions and billions of dollars. She doesn’t need to be doing that.

–Prime Burger, 51st Street

Overheard by: Shirley Grace

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