Guys

Wednesday One-liners Are Bad Ideas

Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even!

–Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope

Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: PB

Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?”

–Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale!

–41st & 7th

Someone Reeks of Suburbia

Guy: Where is the nearest subway?
Girl: We are not eating at Subway.

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: Charles Star

$5 Says She Wears Her Clothes Into The Machine

Chick: I got a washing machine at home but it don’t fit. I got too many clothes.
Guy: Ain’t you never heard of loads?
Chick: What you mean?
Guy: Doing it once at a time.
Chick: Shoot, I be doing clothes forever if I do that shit.

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Trish

Lunchtime! Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Jon Graboff

Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.

–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street

Overheard by: james uphoff

“…my daughter actually swallows.”

Guy #1: So you like that girl?
Guy #2: Yeah, so far.
Guy #1: Well, don’t get married. Unless you wanna have kids; that’s the only reason to get married.
Guy #2: You married?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: You have kids?
Guy #1: Yeah, thank god.

–55th Street between 1st & 2nd Ave.

Overheard by: Brandy Rowell

The Safety Word is “iPod”

Jogger Guy: This is totally just a warmup for a night of hot bondage sex.
Jogger Girl: I know!

–President and Court St.

Overheard by: Todd Martin

Let’s Stir Up Some Hilarity!

Receptionist: So, it’s your name on the insurance card?
Girl: No, it’s my partner’s.
Receptionist: Your husband?
Girl: No, my partner.
Receptionist: What’s his name?
Girl: Emily.
Receptionist: Your husband’s name is Emily?
Girl: She’s a girl.
Receptionist: Oh…Ohhh.

–Park Slope ob/gyn

Receptionist: Do you have an appointment here?
Guy: Yes, I’m the 3:35.
Receptionist: No, you’re not.
Guy: Oh yes I am.
Receptionist: This is gynecology.
Guy: Ah.

–W. 72nd St. ob/gyn

Wednesday One-liners; Let’s Make Them “I Do”

Girl on cell: Oh no! I dropped a bunch of papers that I don’t need!

–Pace University elevator

Overheard by: shawn mac

Conductor: The next stop will be…Hell, I don’t even know what it is!

–B train

Overheard by: Miss Babette

Guy: You know, when I was doing those breathing exercises, I realized: I don’t think I’ve been able to breathe out of my left nostril since 1995.

–General Store, DUMBO

Overheard by: Beth

Technically It’s Not “Living”

Dude #1: I never knew people actually lived on Staten Island.
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: I thought it was just a big mall.
Dude #2: With the Mafia…
Dude #1: And garbage…
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: You know what’s totally sad? I got a 1450 on my SATs.

–A train

Better: “I hope the rain comes all weekend.”

Girl: Your hair looks so hot when it’s raining.
Boy: Really?
Girl: Yes, you get that Swedish porn star look.
Boy: In that case I hope it rains all weekend.

–Penn Station

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