Young man comes up to the manager of a cafe in Brooklyn sitting next to me, inquires about the “help wanted” ad outside, and during the course of an impromptu job interview says, “I just wanted to tell you that for my emotional health I can’t work too hard, and especially I can’t move my wrists that much. So how hard would I work here?”
Man: If I punch Spongebob in the face, it would be because he is living at a higher moral standard than me, as a role model to children.
–Toys ‘R Us, Times Square
Dude: We have called you The Breast Fondler for like two years and she wouldn’t even let you fondle her breasts? Doesn’t she know your nickname?
–6 train
Overheard by: Matt Stoudt
Guy: I’m crazy about her! Every time I go down on her, her pussy tastes like hummus!
–East Village
Overheard by: Nicole Weber
Guy: We’ve got to tell Allison, because she had Paulreubens.com until he made her stop.
–8th Ave. & 6th St.
Guy: Has anyone ever accidentally dated you and your sister at the same time?
–Diner, 22nd and 9th
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Young man in a cafe in Williamsburg: “So, what do you do?”
Older man: “I’m an artist–and one of my works is in the Whitney.”
— Grand Cafe, Williamsburg
Teenage guy: Dude, I just coughed up a little speck of blood. Do you think I could have another cigarette or is that a bad idea?
–68th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Cully
Guy on cell: Yeah, our lives suck but at least John Kerry was elected President. Oh, wait! I have to hang up now and go kill myself.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Alice Ayers
Guy: I massaged this girl today. She might as well have been a shar-pei.
–Restivo’s, 22nd and 7th
Overheard by: Steven Coombs
