Guys

Teenage guy: Dude, I just coughed up a little speck of blood. Do you think I could have another cigarette or is that a bad idea?

–68th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Cully

Guy on cell: Yeah, our lives suck but at least John Kerry was elected President. Oh, wait! I have to hang up now and go kill myself.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Alice Ayers

Guy: I massaged this girl today. She might as well have been a shar-pei.

–Restivo’s, 22nd and 7th

Overheard by: Steven Coombs

Dude #1: I’m gonna stand up as I turn. I’d like you to kick me in the nuts. The idea is to black out, end up in the hospital, and push this off on someone else. Ready?
Dude #2: I was born ready.

–59th & Park

Guy: You are a compelling argument against homosexuality. You are a very pretty girl.

–72nd St Station

Guy: Of course I’ve drank kerosene. But it wasn’t like I used a cup, though. I used a siphon.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Stephie Russell

Guy: Yeah, man, that’s true. But you have to keep in mind that while you’re emotionally emasculated, he’s physically emasculated, and there’s a helluva difference.

–Knitting Factory

Overheard by: Patrick Taylor

A guy and a girl are standing next to each other, waiting to cross the street. She’s wearing a winter jacket, scarf and hat.

Guy: You’re in trouble.
Girl: Why?
Guy: What the fuck are you going to do when it gets cold?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Anna Ryan

A guy is being filmed for Fox 5 News Live.

Guy: I wanna say hi to my mother-in-law and my girlfriend in the Bronx.

–Midtown

Overheard by: Danger

Guy #1: So you do live around here.
Guy #2: Nope.
Guy #1: So how do you know about Burritoville?
Guy #2: I’ve been around.
Guy #1: Oh, are you a cop?

–Taco Bell, East Village