I Got Your Wednesday One-Liner– Swingin'

Skinny obnoxious blonde: Sheryl had a shirt that said "I love Wayne's dick." And I was like "Sheryl, why are you wearing that to the outback?"

–AMC Movie Theater

Girl to guy: Epic fail, you have a non-working dick.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Guy on cell: Hello, this is sweet dick. Can I speak to tight pussy?

–West Village

Man to another: So last night, I was playing with my dick, and…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Dusty F.

Man on cell: He don't answer to "Leon" no more. He is now "Dick Dastardly."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Muttley

Posted on October 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Masturbation, Men, Movie Theaters, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Sex, Skinny People, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

“Starving Children in Ethiopia Don't Even Have Wednesday One-Liners!”

NYU student to another: Spinach is like sex: if you were forced to have it as a child, you wouldn't enjoy it as an adult.

–University Place & 12th St

Hobo, pointing to deli sign: They want you to toss your own salad for $8.95.

–23rd and 3rd

Overheard by: Nicole Shipman

Suit shouting into cell: Eggplant! Eggplant! Jesus Christ, what is so fucking hard about eggplant?!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Subway preacher: I like vegetables! You gotta eat them so you can live. I like to put vegetables in my mouth. I like the way they taste!

–N Train

Guy to another: Take the pickle, because by god if someone else does and you don't get it, well, you'll be pickle-less and that's not ideal.

–125th St

Overheard by: Brian K.

Posted on October 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Education, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Preachers, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Yeah, today's his wedding. I thought about driving seven hours through the snowstorm to go, but then I realized that it's his third wedding, he has two kids, and he's marrying some woman who's pregnant and married to someone else, so I decided to fuck that shit and stay in the city.

–6th Ave & Bleecker St

Overheard by: office peon

30-something guy on cell: Your dad told you, your brother told you, I told you… Not to get married.

–Upper West Side

Woman: We may or may not still be married. I mean, I signed the papers but I don't know if they were ever filed.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Woman screaming at embarrassed guy: We have to figure this out! You can't be married to two women at once!

–Chambers & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack

Posted on October 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Family Ties, Guys, Insults, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday Tiny-One-Liners

Girl to boyfriend: Two years ago I saw your penis under a bright blue light. And it was small.

–Penn Station

Black guy to black friend: Her father does not want his daughter marrying someone from another race. What, is he scared that the kid will come out black and have a big nose? I'll tell you one thing–he'll have a big dick.

–Bowery & 1st St

Overheard by: Zach B

Man to girl beside him: Mine isn't that big. But it's big enough for what I need it for.

–6th Ave & 9th St

Girl to friend: He had a big penis. It scared me.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: s0uthard

Young teenage boy to another: You're telling me you have an 8.5 inch dick and you don't touch it?

–M21 Bus

Overheard by: zaarah

Posted on October 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fears, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Hunter, Marriage, Masturbation, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Race, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

…According to the Latest Balanced Report from Fox News.

Guy #1: Has Mark* confirmed that he's coming?
Guy #2: I dunno, I haven't checked Facebook in a while.
Passerby: That's cuz you're gay.

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: casey

Posted on October 8, 2010
Comebacks, Facebook, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

Can You Meet Me Wednesday, Next to the One-Liners?

Collegiate boy to group of friends: Well, if you think about it, if you've met one person you've basically met everyone.

–6th Ave & West 4th St

Overheard by: Lucas

Guy to friend: I went to the anarchists' meeting, but they turned out to just be a group of spoiled, white, middle-class kids.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kate Deshmukh

Loud lady on cell: Yeah, just meet me here. I'll be in the basement in the sexuality section.
(pause, then even more loudly) Basement! Sex!

–The Strand

Overheard by: April

Redhead girl: No, I totally want you to meet him–I just don't want him to meet you.

–47th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on October 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Race, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Store, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday Slowly Dropped Her One-Liners to the Floor

Tattooed guy on cell: I want a human pyramid. I want a naked human pyramid.

–Veniero's Pastry Shop

Young lady: Yes, but it's not like I go riding around the city naked on a horse…

–57th St

Dude on cell: Shut up! I will sit on your face… without drawers.

–14th & 6th

Young thug to friend: She said she went up in there, and everybody in the crib was naked, everybody. Buck-ass naked.

–Nostrand Ave, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: rick

Three-year-old boy, looking at unclothed figures at African people exhibit: Daddy? Did they take off their diapers?

–American Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Freaked the kid out after laughing at his commment

Posted on October 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Just a Couple Of Dudes, Comparing Their Meat.

European: You guys are big on your breakfast.
American: Yeah, not really. Europeans really know how to do breakfast… We don't.
European: I guess. Like we have Polish sausage.

–Starbucks

Posted on October 1, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Food, Foreigners, Guys, Starbucks

Wednesday One-Diners

Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.

–Allen & Delancy

Overheard by: wba2101

Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.

–Times Square

Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!

–8th St & Greene

Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!

–Uptown A Train

20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.

–4th St & Ave B

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B & T, Crying, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fashionistas, Food, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Time, Times Square, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

We Unite in a Common Purpose Of Self-Destruction

Guy: So you smoke for social reasons? I don't get it.
Girl: You know, I do it so that I can go out and talk to others. I only do it when I'm wanting to spend time with people.
Guy: I still don't get it.
Girl: It's just what I do when I want to spend some time with my friends.
Guy: Oh, so like how cocaine is for me?
Girl: Yeah! Kind of like that.

–1 Train

Posted on September 16, 2010
Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Friendship, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Smoking, Wishes & desires

Guys