Wednesday One-Liners — Not the South American Country

Train conductor: Now arriving at 116th street, Columbia University. Ivy league. Ivy league… Ivy league… Ivy league… Stand clear of the closing doors.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Amused Subway Rider

Guy on phone: I’m a tool, I’ll admit that.

–College Walk, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ed

Chick on cell: How did they know I was feeling hormonal? And did they need to announce it on my boarding pass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: YotGC

(Columbia student #1 jaywalks in front of a car)
Columbia student #2: I can’t get hit by a car right now! I have a paper to write!

–115th & Broadway

(two frat boys in boxers run a lap down 113th as a third cheers them on)
Sorority girl: Sometimes I wonder how some of these people get into Columbia…

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: wondering the same thing

Posted on July 23, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Students, Subway conductors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

You’re Welcome to Babysit Mine for a While

Dude #1: Today, I saw someone wearing jeans that were like, way too tight.
Asian chick: Skinny jeans? I love skinny jeans!
Dude #1: On a guy? These were on a guy!
Asian chick: Oh, then… no.
Dude #1: Guys shouldn’t wear their jeans that tight. It’s bad for the balls.
Dude #2: It’s seriously bad for the balls. It’s unhealthy.
Asian chick (skeptically): Nuh-uh.
Dude #2: You wouldn’t know!
Dude #1: You don’t even have balls!
Asian chick: No. (considers) But if I did, I’d play with them all the time.

–NYU Elevator

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on July 22, 2008
Asians, Balls, Clothing, Default, Elevators, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, NYU

After He Saw on Dr. Phil That Families Should Do Things Together

Young male professional: So your dad’s cool with you not eating?
Young female professional: Yeah, he’s totally fine with it. He’s gonna start next week too.

–Union Square

Posted on July 22, 2008
Anorexic, Coworkers, Default, Diet/Weight, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Psychology, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

A Whole Continent Left Sticky and Unsatisfied

Guy: I need to go to Europe more often, I kinda compare it to sex, I always come back more relaxed and a little more pleasant to be around.
Girl with him: Gross.

–6 Train

Posted on July 22, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, On the Subway, Sex, Travel, Wishes & desires

So It’s Like a Blog That You Carry Around?

20-something girl: Today I saw the cutest rat, it was just sitting there cleaning itself.
20-something guy: No way! I saw a cute rat today too. When I came to New York I thought that all the rats would be huge with glowing eyes and sharp fangs, but I kind of wanted to keep it… Look! I even wrote it down. (gets out notebook) Saw first rat today, it was surprisingly cute.

–4 Train Station

Posted on July 21, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

And Getting Better Every Minute

Girl (sobbing): I’m sorry… I know cheating is never the answer… I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.
(long silence)
Guy (chuckling): Sorry for laughing. I’m just thinking of what a better person than you I am.
(five minutes later)
Guy (still chuckling): You know you’re hot and guys hit on you all the time but what you forget is that I’m hot. Girls hit on me every day. But I’d never cheat because I’m a good person.

–Metro Cafe, 57th & 5th

Posted on July 20, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Infidelity, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes

Eminem’s Also from Michigan, So You Do the Math

Guy from Michigan: That stripper robbed me.
Cop: How so?
Guy from Michigan: She said if I gave her $150 she would jerk me off. I payed her the $150 and she didn’t do it. I want her arrested.
Cop: Is everyone from Michigan an asshole or just you?

–Show World

Posted on July 20, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Default, Guys, Insults, Midwesterners, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Prostitution, Questions, Strippers, U.S. Geography

Hey, the One Thing Gays and Straights Agree on Is Julie Andrews

Guy #1: So there I was, screwing my pillow in my sleep… Ya know, really bouncing the bed.
Guy #2: So… What? She didn’t like that?
Guy #1: Well, ya know, she woke me up and asked if I was alright. Ya know. I mean I was laying there with a boner you could break rocks with and all confused. That’s when I said “Where’s Julie?”
Guy #2: That’s freakin’ messed up, man!”
Guy #1: Yeah. Crap… That being her sister’s name and all.
Guy #2: I’m going to laugh my ass off over this. Did you tell her it was Julie Andrews?
Guy #1: Fuck! I didn’t want her to think I was a pervert or something.

–NYU

Posted on July 20, 2008
About Celebrities, Default, Family Ties, Guys, Laughter, Names, NYU, Questions, Weirdness

Carrot Top?

Bearded guy #1: Wow! Two Quakers on one train! We could start a riot.
Bearded guy #2: Or whatever the opposite of a riot is.

–Metro North Hudson Line

Posted on July 19, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Public Transportation, Religion, Trains Not Subway, Violence, Words

That’s the Only Proof You Ever Had Sex?

Creepy guy: I was in Japan and went on this rampage and slept with this woman who was 38 and had a kid and was married. Her husband had a bad back and couldn’t have sex with her, but he was fully aware I was sleeping with her. I was kind of doing him a favor.
Creepy guy’s date: Did he watch?
Creepy guy: No, but he wanted us to videotape it. So somewhere in Japan there’s a video of me doing it with an older woman.

–Park Slope

Posted on July 19, 2008
Age/Aging, Creepsters, Default, Film, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Park Slope, Porn, Questions, Travel, Weirdness