White guy: Well, this is her third. The first two she miscarried.
Black guy: Aw, man.
White guy: All of them were shake ‘n’ bake.
Black guy: What?
White guy: Yeah, he shakes and she bakes. It’s like 10 grand a shake, too.
Black guy: I heard 25.
–JFK airport
Overheard by: Deeznuts
Chick to friend: That guy in the Starbucks across the street was such a douchebag.
Guy behind her, leaning in: I can be a douchebag if you want me to [winks].
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Alanna
Willing guy: Let’s go stand over here…
Smoking hot girl: So, are you going to eat me on the hood of my car or what?!
–N train
Dude #1: Is cable a need or a necessity?
Dude #2: What?!
Dude #1: I mean, clothes are a need — you need to wear clothes — so cable’s a necessity, not a need.
–F train
Guy: I have an unnatural hard-on for post-modern dystopias… I have an unnatural hard-on for I Dream of Jeannie!
–Milon Restaurant
Overheard by: LBC & The Imbiber
Dude #1: So, why did you break up with her?
Dude #2: Because she got herpes.
Dude #1: What?! You gave it to her!
Dude #2: Yeah, I know, but it’s different — herpes is gross with girls. It’s like a battle wound for guys, though.
–Slipper Room
Dude: Have you ever been to jail on Saint Patrick’s Day?
Girl: No. No, I have not.
Dude: It’s a party! It is such a party!
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: SB
20-ish girl: Oh my god, your backpack has your initials on it!
20-ish dude: What? It’s from high school…
20-ish girl: Jesus. The only thing I have from high school is herpes.
–41st & Broadway
Overheard by: june
Guy #1: So, I don’t mean to be morbid, but of all the ways one can die, which would you prefer? I mean, if you had a choice, how would you prefer to die?
Guy #2, matter-of-factly: Masturbating… Yeah, I’d like to go out while masturbating.
–Karavas restaurant, Christopher & 7th
Judge: Wow, this girl sounds like the future generation’s Tori Amos.
Philistine in audience: I don’t know who that is, but I disagree.
–NYU talent show, Skirball Center, Washington Square South
