No, Psychokinetically. And Don’t Go All “Carrie” on Me

Mom: Daniel, it’s time you started opening doors for me.
Son: Um… okay.
Mom: Well? [Gestures at doors.]Son: Oh! I thought you meant metaphorically…

–W 111th St

Overheard by: Talker’s Remorse

Headline by: Arliss Travers

Runners-Up:
· “…like When We Played Doctor.” – mike chmiel
· “Just Like Your Allowance” – nobody
· “No, I Meant Vaginally” – DanaLishs
· “Sorry, My Oedipus Complex Doesn’t Kick in for Another Year or Two.” – Andrew G
· “Thalidomide or No, You Work That Flipper Young Man” – bobofthejungle
· “The Birds and the Bees Talk Really Confused Me….” – Breanne S.
· “You Know, Like When You Tell Dad the Garden Needs Watering” – Jonty

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Posted on July 9, 2007
Advice, Age/Aging, Boys, Headline Contest Winners, Moms, Offers and requests, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

No It Doesn’t, and Quit Scratching My Balls

Thug #1: Too much curry, man.
Thug #2: You don’t like curry?
Thug #1: Naw…
Thug #2: Yeah, it makes your balls itch.

–Indian spice store, 1st Ave, between 5th & 6th St

Overheard by: Anthony Recchia

Headline by: h

Runners-Up:
· “Be More Discerning Who You Bangalore” – Barry P.
· “He Prefers Ginger Who Makes Them Tingle, Instead.” – Lizard
· “No, No, I’m Talking About the Spice, Not the Tim.” – Katie
· “Why Else Do You Think Indians Wear Such Loose Pants?” – waphle
· “You Know, Just Because It Looks Like a Baby Powder Bottle…” – Herbie McHebrew

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 5, 2007
Balls, Ethnic Food, Grocery Stores, Headline Contest Winners, Idiots, Thugs

Winning the War Against Space Chickens, One Bird at a Time

Little boy: Is this a fighter plane?
Grandma: No. A fighter plane is quicker and can only fit two people.
Little boy: … Then why are there lasers?

–JFK

Overheard by: Adam Vine Whip

Headline by: Miss Edith

Runners-Up:
· “Dont EVER question lasers” – melissa
· “For the sharks, of course” – Britta
· “In case you start kicking the seat in front of you” – bobofthejungle
· “To Protect Us From Gay Marriage” – ImmaculatePizza

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 2, 2007
At the Airport, Boys, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Old People, War, Weirdness

I Love Dick, I Just Wish I Liked Yours

Boyfriend: I love Barnes and Noble.
Girlfriend: Yeah, I love books.
Boyfriend: Me, too. I just wish I liked reading.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Headline by: Tosser

Runners-Up:

· “As long as it gets the poo off my ass, I’m happy” – Jim C.

· “But I have a nice set of Hemingway coasters.” – Sarah K

· “But get enough of them together, you have one hell of a fort.” – DJR

· “I just like to judge them by their covers” – Peter

· “It’s goal number 2, right after learnig to color inside the lines” – kristen

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 28, 2007
Books & Writing, Couples, Headline Contest Winners, Store, Stupidity

I Think “Hemingway Stole All His Ideas From Me” Is Explanation Enough

Professor: Care to elaborate on that?
Student who answered question: I’d rather not.

–NYU Law School

Overheard by: Vitto

Headline by: Alli

Runners-Up:

· “But I would like to know the specifics of why you think I should go fuck myself.” – Bassmanbish

· “I Don’t Think I Could. I Elaborated In The Shower This Morning.” – Redneck Jedi

· “Let me rephrase, what the fuck do you mean?” – chris sowell

· “Objection! Asked and answered.” – Law School Dropout

· “See ‘Billing By the Hour’ to Learn Why That’s the Wrong Answer” – PhoenixRising

· “The first rule of law school is: We do not talk about law school.” – Steve-o

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 18, 2007
Education, Headline Contest Winners, Idiots, NYU, Questions, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

And Be Ignored

Teen boy in suit: Wow, look at that cute girl!
Teen boy with rolling book bag: Oh, yeah… I’d like to walk next to that.

–Citibank, Forest Hills

Headline by: Trey

Runners-Up:

· “And then I’d hold the fuck out of her hand” – NJgal

· “Chicks dig my sweet wheels” – Marissa

· “I Would Awkwardly Avoid Eye Contact with That Like A Motherfucker” – Leland

· “I’d Carry Her Books So Hard” – Barry P.

· “I’d stick my pen in that pocket protector!” – wannabenyc

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 11, 2007
Beauty, Boys, Headline Contest Winners, Horny, Teens

Blaming Everything on PMS Is #2

Thugette #1: Man, where the fuck am I gonna get a prom dress and after-party outfit? You know, I should just sell crack! Ain’t nobody gonna stop me!
Thugette #2: Yeah, that’s the best part about being a girl.

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: DaraDay

Headline by: Zorak

Runners-Up:

· “By the way, are you free to babysit that night?” – bobofthejungle

· “Miracle of birth ain’t got nothin’ on pushin'” – Erin

· “Sugar and Crack and Everything Whack” – The Trayster

· “The Third Wave of Feminism Wants Its Money, Bitch” – clevecinema

· “Well, Other Than the Multiple Orgasms…” – Teppy

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 7, 2007
Advice, Clothing, Cocaine, Gender issues, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, On the Bus, Questions, Talking/Convos, Thugs

A Tranny in the Clam Is Worth Two in the Tush

Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.

–Tea & Sympathy

Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks….

Headline by: bri b

Runners-Up:

· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” – Amanda Lee

· “Out of her penis.” – Kate

· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” – Sean McGurr

· “We named it Penis de Milko” – Erez Schatz

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