Guy #1: Dude, I would never do heroin, that’s so whack.
Guy #2: What do you mean? It’s got, like, nine vitamins in it!
–E train, 34th St
Overheard by: Jatmos
Guy #1: Dude, I would never do heroin, that’s so whack.
Guy #2: What do you mean? It’s got, like, nine vitamins in it!
–E train, 34th St
Overheard by: Jatmos
The most flamingly queer man in history: I ain’t sittin’ down, I don’t wanna touch nothin’. This place is a cesspool.
Sexually ambiguous friend: Baby, you’ll take it bareback, bent over in a bar bathroom, but you won’t take a damn seat?
–C train
NYU chick: No, that can’t be true.
NYU dude: I’m dead serious — I couldn’t make that up!
NYU chick: So, you are honestly telling me that if you don’t wash your ball sack, you will grow cheese?
–10th St, between 5th Ave & University
Guy: You can pour all the soup on it you want, that still won’t make it pancakes.
Woman, desperate: You don’t seem to realize, cigarettes are addictive!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Liz
Girl #1: Hey, so I went to that sushi place you told me to go to last night, and I got food poisoning!
Girl #2: Oh. Hey, you went there? How was it?
Girl #1: I got food poisoning.
Girl #2: Yeah, but how was it before the vomiting set in?
–Ameritania Hotel
Girl: Do you think I should have a party?
Mother: No, no one would come.
Girl: Why not?
Mother: Because you smell.
–Jamba Juice, Times Square
Mourner: Hi, I haven’t seen you in a long time! How’s your mother?
Priest: She’s okay. She won’t be coming today because she’s not feeling well. She just turned 95.
Mourner: 95! She’s that old? Holy crap!
— Funeral Home, Rockaway Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Customer: That guy? He was in a production of Fiddler on the Roof with me!
Bartender: Really? I thought he had Tourette’s!
Customer: Oh, he does.
–Bar, 14th St & 7th Ave
Pharmacist: Do you have any allergies?
Woman: No, I’m not allergic to anything. Except maybe no good men. Yeah, write that down, I’m allergic to no good men!
–Duane Reade, 100 William St
Overheard by: shemah
Frat boy #1: Remember that pussy I was hittin’ a few weeks ago?
Frat boy #2: Yeah.
Frat boy #1: She’s in a coma now.
Frat boy #2’s girlfriend: That reminds me of that Smiths song, ‘Girlfriend in a Coma.’ Have you ever heard it?
–Virgin Megastore
