Customer: Excuse me, there’s no toilet paper in the women’s room. [Cashier wordlessly pulls wad of napkins out of dispenser and hands them over.] There’s six of us waiting in line back there! [Cashier wordlessly pulls out another wad of napkins.] Lord, have mercy.
–McDonald’s Express, 125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Crazy guy: Shaving is so much more important than your cell phone.
–6 train
Drunk girl #1 coughs.
Drunk girl #2: If you vomit, I swear to God this friendship is over.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: kellianne
Black woman #1: When is the silicon going to dry?
Black woman #2: It's in bags. In my boobs. Dumb bitch.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Lacy
A homeless guy is sleeping
Other dude: You smell like you want to be alone.
–A train
Woman: You have everything?
Man, looking at suitcase and opening box: I think that's it.
Woman: What's in this box?
Man: It's my life. You know: vodka and lotion.
Woman: And toothpaste! Where'd you get that funny toothpaste?
–Elevator, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Along for the ride
Dude #1: I didn’t brush my tongue this morning.
Dude #2: Yeah, I didn’t have a cigarette.
Dude #1: No, I saw a sign that said, “Have you brushed your tongue today?”
Dude #3: No, you just have to go to the bathroom and throw up a little and then you’ll be all set.
–Union Square
Overheard by: tanechka
Woman: She said she want to make more than 8 dollars. I said, “Honey, you ain’t makin’ no 20 dollars unless you sell drugs.”
–Bowery
Overheard by: Stephanie Emilienburg
Girl on cell: I think the truth is rotting into your brain, that’s why you’re getting migraines.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Rych
Harassed mother to four-year-old: Max, can we pleeaase just take a cab, it's too cold to wait for a bus!
Four-year-old: No! Cabs make me feel sick!
–Union Square
Overheard by: cherrypips
Italian father: Hey, son, look at this knee cap.
Son: Cool. What is that stuff?
Italian father: You see the part that looks like calamari? Well, that will give you trouble one day.
–Bodies Exhibition
Overheard by: hrln
