Girl #1: Mom wants you to dress Jose up for Halloween.
Girl #2: He’s only 1 1/2 years old. What would I do that for?
Girl #1: Dress him up as an M&M.
Girl #2: Oh, right.
–L Train
Overheard by: Christopher
Girl #1: Mom wants you to dress Jose up for Halloween.
Girl #2: He’s only 1 1/2 years old. What would I do that for?
Girl #1: Dress him up as an M&M.
Girl #2: Oh, right.
–L Train
Overheard by: Christopher
Guy: If I ever beat my kids during Christmas, this is the song I’d play.
–Ulysses, Pearl Street
Overheard by: Dennis Sugrue
Latino with kid’s bike #1: Yeah, he wants to change Father’s Day to ‘Dad Gets a Free Lap Dance Day.’ And he wants to call Halloween, uh… He wants to call it… uh… Yo, why’s it called ‘Halloween,’ anyway? What the fuck is Halloween?
Latino with kid’s bike #2: ‘Cause you know the word ‘hollow,’ like a tree is hollow? You know, and pumpkins are hollow. And ‘ween’ ’cause you can wear anything you want, like women’s clothing and shit.
–Manhattan-bound L train
Overheard by: Mistah Rabbit
Wigger #1: Yo, son, you’re not comin’ through this weekend and shit. Where you at?
Wigger #2: Yo, it’s like Yom Kippur and shit.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: j.anna
Girl: I need to get something for my boyfriend for valentine’s day. I’m thinking of some panties and an outfit from Victoria’s Secret. What do you think?
Boy: That’s nice. I like dirty panties. Hanes tighty whities for women. I like them real dirty and crusty lookin’, like she just rolled around in some shit.
Girl: You nasty! What’s wrong with you?
Boy: Don’t be hatin’, that’s what I like.
–R Train
Overheard by: Chris
Girl: [In the month of October] Why is there a leprechaun passed out on those steps?
Friend: Oh, wow. Is it April Fools’ Day?
–Madison Ave
Dealer: I got ecstacy, I got crystal meth, I got hydro…OK, y’all have a nice holiday.
–Washington Square park
Overheard by: Mark Asch
Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails!
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: eb
Guy: I think her Easter eggs say “Satan” on them.
–27th Street office
Woman: Have a good new year.
Crazy old lady: What? When’s that?
Woman: Tomorrow.
Crazy old lady: You earthlings have the strangest ideas.
–Dog park, E 86th St
Drunk Long Islander: Happy Fourth of July, New York City!
Old lady: It’s tomorrow, retard. Go back to Jersey.
–87th & 5th
Overheard by: Hunter North
Suit #1: You know why this three day weekend is so great?
Suit #2: Because it’s three days?
Suit #1: No, because the kids will be in school.
Suit #2: They don’t give them Columbus Day?
Suit #1: Nope. I guess because they get off for the Jewlidays.
Suit #2: Must be a Jersey thing.
–Madison between 55th & 56th
