Manhattan

He Wanted to Buy It Now

Woman #1: I was selling some stuff on eBay, but got scared.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because they kept asking too many questions.
Woman #2: Who?
Woman #1: The buyers.
Woman #2: Like what?
Woman #1: They wanted to know if the Louis Vuitton bag and belt I was selling was real. It freaked me out.
Woman #2: So what happened?
Woman #1: I ended the sale, because I had two people watching me and I got scared.
Woman #2: Watching you?
Woman #1: Yeah, they can watch to see who bids and how much they bid and then they can try to make a last minute bid.
Woman #2: Okay, but why didn’t you sell the stuff?
Woman #1: I was scared and this guy kept asking me to send pictures.

–Amy Ruth’s, West 116th Street

Overheard by: Ann-Marie Nicholson

Tell That to Sarah Jessica Parker

Dude #1: So I’m totally fighting with Mark–
Dude #2: You mean physically fighting, or metaphysically fighting?
Dude #1: Metaphysically. But does it make a difference?
Dude #2: Well, dude, you can’t get punched in the face, metaphysically.

–West 3rd & Mercer

Overheard by: Dev Nille

Wednesday One-liners Behind Bars

Woman on cell: So, your man coming with you tonight, or he still locked up?

–42nd & Park

Overheard by: June L.

Hobo collecting bottles: Man, I’m getting too skinny, I gotta go back to jail.

–87th & 2nd

Overheard by: Wagner crew

She Just Likes the Taste

Man: What’s that you’re putting on your cheesecake?
Woman: My cholesterol medication.
Man: Um… I don’t think that’s how it works.

–Carnegie Deli

Overheard by: Julie

He Totally Sucks

Teen boy #1: Okay, tell the truth. Have you ever tried to lick your own balls? I’ll be honest, I’ve tried.
Teen boy #2: I’ve thought about it, I just know I couldn’t do it.

–108th & Columbus

Completely Insulting Wednesday One-liners

Girl yelling across the street: Yo, she got more hair on her pussy than your bitch got on her head!

–St. John’s, Crown Heights

Woman on cell. One hundred dollars? You must have me confused with 1-800-Crack Whore.

–W 57th

He Should’ve Joined the Army

Guy #1: Don’t throw away that Gatorade bottle! I gotta do something.
Guy #2: …Right now?
Guy #1: Yeah!
Guy #2: There’s a pizza place right there!
Guy #1: They won’t let me use theirs! Don’t you throw that bottle away!

–25th & 2nd

It’s All Greek to Me

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.

–Midtown office

I Am Currently Traversing the Intermarriage Zone

Man: You look like someone I knew in college.
Hot lady suit: Oh, yeah?
Man: Where did you go to school?
Hot lady suit: BMCC.
Man: I went to Queens.
Hot lady suit: I did, too, for a while.
Man: Oh, my name is Eric. So, are you single?
Hot lady suit: Sometimes.
Man: Oooh.

–V train

Overheard by: Black White Woman

Snuffy Ain’t No Secret Anymore

Guy: We have to figure out a way to get rid of her bird.
Girl: I hate birds like that. They’re full of secrets and dust.
Guy: And lice and opinions.

–13th & A

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