Wigger referring to Lhasa Apso on leash: Yo, yo, man, look at that dog. I told my bitch I’d steal a dog like that for her.
Black friend: You like them faggot dogs? I like me a mothafuckah dat can tear somebody’s ass up, like a Doberman or some shit.
Wigger, pausing to think: Man, it’s dangerous to steal a Doberman!
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
JAP: I have nothing against Australians or anything — I even made out with a few the other night — but I am not going to Outback.
–Spring St
Overheard by: Jason
JAP on cell: And I was like, ‘Have you been in the new building yet?’ And he was like, ‘I know, it’s a maze.’ And I was like, ‘Oh my god, you Abreve, too?!’ And he was like, ‘Um, no… I mean, like, a… maze.’
–Bryant Park
JAP to chihuahua trying to pee on sidewalk: Focus! Focus!
–79th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lisa
20-something JAP on cell: Did you call Dr. Stein* for me? Why not?! … But I don’t want to call him! Why can’t you just call him for me? I’m not calling him! … But my asshole is still bleeding!
–Duane Reade, Chambers & Broadway
JAP on cell: So, I met up with him, and he asked me if I was anorexic! I was like, ‘No, but thanks for noticing!’ He got all mad, though. I think his sister died of anorexia or something. Whatever, at least I know I look great.
–88th & Park
Overheard by: Vicksburg
White guy #1 as stray dog passes by: Oh, that dog looks vicious… And hungry.
White guy #2: Well, I hope it does not like white meat — only dark meat.
White guy #1: Yeah.
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Dark Meat
Bum, after lady hands him a pack of cigarettes: The whole pack?
Lady: Yeah, take them, you can have ’em.
Bum: That is so kind of you! I can’t believe it! How can I repay you?
Lady: No, no, just take them.
Bum: I know what I will do! I will make love to your dog.
–Ave A & 7th St
Overheard by: Anna Meyer
Dude #1, looking at attractive girl walking a dog: I want to be a dog.
Dude #2: Me too.
–2nd Ave & 49th St
Nu-metal kid: Man, I haven’t been arrested in so long!
–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Barrie
Teen boy commandeering speaker: Next stop: Riker’s Island.
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Victoria
Black tranny to another: Honey, that’s the worst thing you can be called up in jail!
–Christopher & Greenwich St.
Overheard by: Walking away even faster
Ghetto mom on phone: If you report it they’ll have to arrest the both of us.
–Cablevision office, Brooklyn
Middle-aged wankster: Yo, I rubbed ‘Get Money Oil’ on my apron one time, and that week I got fired from fuckin’ three jobs and I got fuckin’ arrested! Don’t fuckin’ mess with witchcraft!
–Coldstone, 6th Avenue
Overheard by: rpk
Old teacher: Teaching tenth grade isn’t so bad. By that time the rotten ones don’t bother to show up or they’re already in jail.
–E train
Overheard by: jobee
White, mid-40s nerd petting dog: You know, I think it’s really funny how a guy can pet a dog and everyone thinks he’s the nicest guy in the world, but the second he does it to a stranger on the street, they wanna lock him in jail.
–Marquet Cafe, E 12th St.
Overheard by: Grace
Girl #1: That’s a cute dog, I have one too.
Girl #2: Thank you.
Girl #1: Is that a toy terrier?
Girl #2: I don’t know. I just know he’s cute.
–Broadway & Spring St
Overheard by: Holden
Punk: How long have you had them?
Queer with three Greyhounds: Oh different times. They all come from abusive breeders and abusive owners and we take them in.
Punk: They’re so beautiful. I’d totally abuse them.
–9th St, between 1St & A Ave
Guy #1: That was a beautiful pit bull.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’d love to have that pit bull, but I’m not responsible enough to have a dog. I’m gonna have some kids first so they can be responsible for the dog.
–Amtrak train
Boy in moving car, to random boy on street: First I’m going to kill your mom, then your dad, then your dog, and then I’m going to shoot your cat!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Carolynn
