Marriage

Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Is That a Promise?

Girl #1: I seriously love Barry Manilow. I’m gonna get Barry Manilow to perform at my wedding.
Girl #2: No, he’s gonna be dead by then.

–157th & Broadway

Oh, Did I Say Single? I Meant Breathing

Creepy guy: Hey! Excuse me miss, are you single?
Woman: Umm… why?
Creepy guy: Well, I want to have an interaction with a single woman, but I don't wanna get involved if she has a man in her life.
Woman: Well, in that case, I'm not single.

–Q Train

Headline by: JR

Runners-Up:
· “And I’m Not Really a Woman Either” – NonQ-Train Rider
· “And Then He Resorted to Blasting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” Everywhere He Went” – patticakes
· “How Accountants Get Married” – Safe
· “It’s Like Prom All Over Again” – lisha
· “Shockingly, This Didn’t End the Conversation” – mac
· “Too Bad, ‘Cause I’m Really an Eccentric Millionaire” – PeterG

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Also Wants to Be the Corpse at Every Funeral

Little boy holding bunch of flowers: Here comes the bride! Here comes the bride!
Nanny: Okay, but we have to pay for those first.
Little boy: Nooo!

–Outside Fairway near 74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Tigertail

Another Major Deposit

Thug #1: I heard he’s in some shit. Married, two kids, child support,
a wife, girl on the side, and she just found out about his boyfriend.
Thug #2: Yeah, that’s some shit.

–15th & 3rd

Overheard by: Garrett Ricciardi

Lights Turn On in a Breeze!

Guy: You in need of a husband?
Woman: I’ve got the clap.

–N train

Overheard by: Camille Marquis

I’m Sure the Exes Don’t Count Them Either

Woman #1: I’ve been with him for five years.
Woman #2: Wow. That’s the longest you’ve been with anyone, isn’t it?
Woman #1: Yes…unless you count my two marriages.

–Midtown elevator

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

While You’re Stuck With Tattoos Forever

Guy: My wife doesn’t like my tattoos.
Woman next to him: I’ve always thought that marriage should be like a driver’s license. You can either renew it after five years… or not.

–F Train

Or the Step-Sister?

Female bartender: And so, now that she is pregnant she is going to get married.
Male bartender: That's horrible. Is the dad the father?

–45th St & Broadway

If It Is a Good Morning…Which I Doubt

Man on cell: Good morning! How are you?
Man: Tell me the bad news…
Man: No, really… Tell me the bad news
Man: You’re PREGNANT? How did that happen?
Man: I know how it happened…but I mean…I thought you were on the pill!
Man: Well, what are we going to do about this? [pause] I can’t have a kid with you. [pause] I’M MARRIED!

–47th & Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: Cynthia Frawley

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