30-ish man #1: Whenever I’m down, I just go out and get hammered with my mom. When’s the last time you got wasted with your mom?
30-ish man #2: I don’t really ever do that.
30-ish man #1: You’ve gotta be kidding me, dude. I do it all the time. Think about it — moms need to get hammered. They never get to go out… Just take her out, get her drunk, and drop her off. It will be the time of her life. Just do it and be a good son.
–Northbound Harlem line
Man: Does it go in and out?
Woman, walking her dog: The vagina? [Lowers voice] Oh, you mean the dog leash.
–28th & Steinway
Overheard by: coinberg
Tranny throw-down in the middle of the street blocks traffic.
Man on cell: Come across the street — there’s a tranny fight!
Woman looking down subway stairs: You’re missing the action!
Trendy girl to boyfriend: Ugh, fighting in front of Starbucks? Real classy.
–Grove St & 7th Ave
Lady suit: Did you bring that from the office?
Suit #1, holding up expensive pen: Oh, yeah, to look official. You know, for self-importance.
Suit #2: Yeah, self-esteem has been bad this week.
Lady suit: I think we need to go out drinking.
–Starbucks, 21st & 5th
Overheard by: maybe they could order a coffee liquer?
Indian man #1: When he got back, he locked himself in the air-conditioned room and wouldn’t come out.
Indian man #2, shaking head: Wouldn’t come out.
–Indian restaurant, Kew Gardens
Overheard by: Charlie B
Woman in large fur coat: What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously! All you do is fucking bitch!
Man in leather coat: Oh, go to hell, Addy.
Woman: You fucking asshole. Do you need a fucking tampon? You want a tampon?! [Searches through purse, finds tampon, and flings it at him.] Here you fucking go!
Man catches passerby staring: What the fuck are you looking at?!
–Chinatown
Overheard by: LizBeth
Man, entering diner: … And then I grabbed him and humped him against the wall.
Friend: Yeah, I would’ve done the same thing.
–Crosstown Diner, Bronx
American woman: I heard this song the other day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
American woman: It was almost as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.’
British man: Uh-huh.
American woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my religion. I’ll take you to the temple tonight.’
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more really shitty metaphors, why don’t we?
–Choga, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alice
Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!
–Fordham University
Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.
–JFK
Overheard by: spanky
Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!
–Highline Ballroom
Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’
–W Broadway
Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!
–Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Old guy with gray hair: I used to be an old guy with gray hair!
–Mott & Canal St
Overheard by: Will
80-year-old man: What is rough sex? Do I put her against the wall? I don’t know.
–10th & 3rd
Overheard by: Liz
Old lady struggling to get layers of scarves and coats off: I’m not used to having to put clothes on.
–New York Historical Society
Old lady on cell: Old people like sex! I’m 85, and I still like me some sex!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: imerikaf
75-year-old lady to hobo on bench: Oh, wow, you look so cozy!
–Central Park
Old man with cane to 20-ish girl who just nabbed the cab he hailed: Happy holidays, you dumb bitch!
–62nd & 2nd
Old white guy: Fo’ shizzle!
–Outside Nederlander Theatre
