Man #1: It smells like feces in here.
Man #2: No, it doesn’t. It smells like a dead guy.
–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: rebecca
Man #1: It smells like feces in here.
Man #2: No, it doesn’t. It smells like a dead guy.
–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: rebecca
Man #1: We’ve got to get the L train goingleft!
Man #2: No, we’ve got to get the L train going right!
–C train platform, Penn Station
Overheard by: courtenay
Man #1, seeing large goose: Wow, what is that?
Man #2: That’s a duck, dude.
–Hudson River Park, UWS
Overheard by: lola
Man #1: It seems my first wife put my name down on a job application as a reference.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? How do you know?
Man #1: Somebody called me yesterday and asked, ‘Can you tell us something about her?’
Man #2: What did you say?
Man #1: I said, ‘She can’t cook and she’s lousy in bed! As long as the job don’t require that, I guess she’d be good.’
Man #2: What an idiot!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Allison
Man #1: It was like a dildo, but Italian.
Man #2: Ohhh, an Italian dildo!
–Bryant Park
Man: The last time I saw you it was cold, and now it’s warm.
Woman: I know.
Man: I just don’t know when to call you. I’m afraid that if I call you and you pick up when your husband is there, then we won’t be able to talk.
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Appaled
Man, slamming on hood of taxi inching forward: Hey! I’m walkin’ here! [Turns to people behind him] Where’s that from?
Lady passerby: Midnight Cowboy!
–50th & Broadway
Older drunk, tightly hugging young guy: … And don’t think I’m gonna forget. When that happened, who gave me new underwears and washed my ass?
Younger guy, trying to get away: Man, just forget about that!
Older drunk: No! I’m not gonna forget about that!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Chirpy British lady: Ah, you like that all ovah, then?
Man with tattooed arms: … Uh, a little bit [disembarks].
Chirpy British lady smiles around at other passengers.
–3 train
Overheard by: Hilary
Man: So, you think I can’t understand because I don’t have a vagina?
Lesbo: Don’t sit like that!
Man: What do you mean?
Lesbo: You’re crossing your legs so condescendingly!
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Overheard by: Lemma
Headline by: Manbo
Runners-Up:
· “Almost Enough to Make Up for You Lack Of Vagina” – John Gray
· “I’m Just Jealous Because Mine Are Too Fat to Cross That Perfectly” – shenanigans
· “I’m Just Protecting My Tool Of Oppression.” – robs
· “Well You’re Waving Your Vagina Condescendingly” – burnt toast
· “Worst Yoga Class Ever” – benji
· “Yeah, Well Tell Your Nipples to Quit Pointing at Me” – pw
