Man walking down the street in downtown Vancouver to the woman next to him: “I’m Jewish, but my family has been in Canada for three generations”
Woman: “Oh. I have one Jewish friend.”
Man walking down the street in downtown Vancouver to the woman next to him: “I’m Jewish, but my family has been in Canada for three generations”
Woman: “Oh. I have one Jewish friend.”
White guy #1: Ready, I’magonna freestyle.
White guy #2: Bullshit, dawg.
White guy #1: Oooh girl dat ass is big and round and I like to hit it on the ground —
Passing black male: Give it up, cracker.
White guy #2: You gotta listen to me. Like the time with the syphilis, man, shit.
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Lauren Michelle
Little Spanish kid: Hey you big cracker!
Tall White guy: Oh, hey.
–Troutman & Irving, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Peter
Angry European husband: Listen, you take American currency, don’t you? We can pay US cash! That’s money!
Clerk: Sir, the sign says credit, debit or gift card only. We can’t accept money at this counter. You have to go to the other side.
Angry European husband: This is bullshit. You don’t accept money? You’re a liar who doesn’t know English! I see everyone here paying money at this counter!
Clerk: Sir, we can’t take money at this counter. No cash. No money. Just cards.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You’re so stupid!
Clerk: Alright. Bye, have a nice day. Next.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You’re so stupid! Learn English before you get a job here!
–Century 21 across from WTC
Headline by: snarls
Runners-Up:
· “Any Wonder They’ve Starteed Two World Wars Was Immediately Dispatched” – Ty
· “Charles & Camilla Charmed Everyone During Their Visit” – Zoot, Just Zoot
· “Go Back To Whatever Country I Came From” – Kevin P
· “God, I HATE Being Trapped in This Stupid Visa Commercial!” – Never Carries Cash
· “It’s Getting Difficult To Tell The Tourists From Natives” – Trey Jackson
· “La Vengeance Est Douce: or How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love America” – noon
· “The American Meltdown Pot” – Qasar
· “Whose Line Was That, Anyway?” – Marie
Teen boy, watching a running woman in burka: When you see one of those runnin’, you gotta run for cover!
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: someone’s mom
Woman #1: Have you ever been to this place?
Woman #2: Yeah, Irish bar. You know those motherfuckers can drink.
Woman #3: You can say that again.
Woman #1: I don’t usually hang out in Irish bars. Too rowdy for me.
Woman #3: C’mon on, you’ll like it. Besides, the bartender is cute.
Woman #2: This chick I know fucked him but he is lousy in the sack. The only reason she banged him was because he’s good-looking and she gets free drinks.
Woman #1: Too bad the good-looking ones are always dumb and suck. If he’s that good-looking I’d fuck him too. Drinks in this fucking city are expensive as hell. Why not? Let’s see what your friend is talking about.
–44th & 8th
Guy: I really hate it when people mop my feet. I am Jamaican, after all.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
Woman upon seeing a Mariachi band walk by: Why do they have tambourines on their legs?
— Manhattan
Black kid: Miss, buy some candy to support my school’s basketball team.
Indian woman: No thank you.
Black kid: Man, you people don’t buy nothing. But you sure speak good English.
–40th St. & Lex.
Old lady (looking directly at Hispanic woman and her baby): They don’t speak English and they don’t wanna learn. They just want pay from America. They hate our guts.
[to baby]: Give your Mommy a kiss!
–B6 Bus, Brooklyn
