Jappy highschool queen bee to Starbucks guy wearing earrings: Are those real diamonds?
Twentysomething African-American Starbucks guy: No.
Jappy highschool queen bee: Awwww I’ll mail you some real ones for your Bar Mitzvah, okay?
–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex
A guy runs down and holds the train doors open. Guy: Yo! Yo! …Yo!
Conductor: Next stop West 4th, stand clear.
The doors close.
Conductor: …I wanna know who “Yo” is.
–A train
Overheard by: p. vale
Bag lady: Hey, can I bum a smoke?
Hipster guy: I bummed this one.
Bag lady: Ching-chong, ching-ching-ching-ching-chong!
She enters CVS and comes back.
Bag lady: Ching-chong, ching-chong.
Hipster guy: You’re a fat ugly bitch.
Bag lady: You’re a chink.
Hipster guy: Why don’t you say that to my face?
Bag lady: I will. My boyfriend will kick your ass!
Hipster guy: Why do you have to start with me right now?
Bag lady: Because you’re a chink. You’re Chinese, right?
Hipster guy: No.
Bag lady: Japanese?
Hipster guy: No.
Bag lady: Umm…Korean?
Hipster guy: No.
Bag lady: Asian?
–86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Nakul Patel
Crazy guy: 3 fucking white kids talking to a chink.
Chick #1: Little does he know that’s not the most offensive thing we’ve heard tonight.
Chick #2: Yeah, by comparison it was politically correct.
Chick #1: Yeah, it was kinda a relief.
–4 train
Hobo: This shit happens now! Y2K my ass, the world will end this New Year’s Day, 2006! Coming to a theatre near you…
–A train
Overheard by: Nina
Man walking down the street in downtown Vancouver to the woman next to him: “I’m Jewish, but my family has been in Canada for three generations”
Woman: “Oh. I have one Jewish friend.”
White guy #1: Ready, I’magonna freestyle.
White guy #2: Bullshit, dawg.
White guy #1: Oooh girl dat ass is big and round and I like to hit it on the ground —
Passing black male: Give it up, cracker.
White guy #2: You gotta listen to me. Like the time with the syphilis, man, shit.
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Lauren Michelle
Little Spanish kid: Hey you big cracker!
Tall White guy: Oh, hey.
–Troutman & Irving, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Peter
Angry European husband: Listen, you take American currency, don’t you? We can pay US cash! That’s money!
Clerk: Sir, the sign says credit, debit or gift card only. We can’t accept money at this counter. You have to go to the other side.
Angry European husband: This is bullshit. You don’t accept money? You’re a liar who doesn’t know English! I see everyone here paying money at this counter!
Clerk: Sir, we can’t take money at this counter. No cash. No money. Just cards.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You’re so stupid!
Clerk: Alright. Bye, have a nice day. Next.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You’re so stupid! Learn English before you get a job here!
–Century 21 across from WTC
Headline by: snarls
Runners-Up:
· “Any Wonder They’ve Starteed Two World Wars Was Immediately Dispatched” – Ty
· “Charles & Camilla Charmed Everyone During Their Visit” – Zoot, Just Zoot
· “Go Back To Whatever Country I Came From” – Kevin P
· “God, I HATE Being Trapped in This Stupid Visa Commercial!” – Never Carries Cash
· “It’s Getting Difficult To Tell The Tourists From Natives” – Trey Jackson
· “La Vengeance Est Douce: or How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love America” – noon
· “The American Meltdown Pot” – Qasar
· “Whose Line Was That, Anyway?” – Marie
Teen boy, watching a running woman in burka: When you see one of those runnin’, you gotta run for cover!
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: someone’s mom
Woman #1: Have you ever been to this place?
Woman #2: Yeah, Irish bar. You know those motherfuckers can drink.
Woman #3: You can say that again.
Woman #1: I don’t usually hang out in Irish bars. Too rowdy for me.
Woman #3: C’mon on, you’ll like it. Besides, the bartender is cute.
Woman #2: This chick I know fucked him but he is lousy in the sack. The only reason she banged him was because he’s good-looking and she gets free drinks.
Woman #1: Too bad the good-looking ones are always dumb and suck. If he’s that good-looking I’d fuck him too. Drinks in this fucking city are expensive as hell. Why not? Let’s see what your friend is talking about.
–44th & 8th
