Wednesday One-Liners: Straight, Not Narrow

White woman to friend: Wow, this is a great place to meet straight people!

–Madison Square Garden

Dude to female passenger: If I was straight, I'd be hitting that, but I'm not straight, so I won't be hitting that.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Maggie

Yelling blonde: What's my type? He should be straight, that's my type.

–68th & Columbus

Amateur philosopher: If I wasn't straight, I'd totally be gay.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Headaches

Teen girl to friend: They're not gay! They're just old!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on September 19, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Madison Square Garden, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Philosophy, Questions, Sexuality, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Why the Court Needs Strict Constructionists

Drunk girl #1: Come on! Tell us!
Guy: I plead the fifth.
Drunk girl #1: Well I plead the sixth, cutting off your alcohol.
Drunk girl #2: Pleading the fifth is only for gays in the military.

–D train

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Posted on September 18, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, On the Subway

They Can Stuff a Lot of Chew in Those Cheeks

Woman #1: Do you think squirrels get addicted to nicotine?
Woman #2: Oh my God! I feel so bad for them. I mean they must, right? What with all the cigarette butts they eat.

–6 train

Posted on September 18, 2014
Animals & Nature, Drugs, Idiots, On the Subway, Women

Einstein: It's Complicated

11-year-old camper: When do we get off?
Younger friend: When it's time to get off. You can't rush time!

–1 Train

Posted on September 18, 2014
Friends, Kids, On the Subway, Philosophy, Time

You Want to End Up As Fat, Sick and Broke As I Am?

Dad: So, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Son: Oh, you know, a usual Saturday night… Pizza, beer, and strippers.
Dad: Okay, can you just pick one of those, because all of those are unhealthy.

–N Train

Overheard by: dc visitor

Posted on September 17, 2014
Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Parents, Pizza, Questions, Strippers

Kids These Days Are Bred to Be Competitive

Bag lady: Spare some food…I'm hungry. Anything, even some water.
Seven-year-old girl to mother, after bag lady leaves: She's hungry. Why's she hungry? I'm hungry too!

–E Train

Overheard by: nk

Posted on September 17, 2014
Bag ladies, Food, Homeless, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Questions, Should've Used a Condom

Living in New York in Your 20's Is a Lot Like Groundhog's Day

20-something girl, excitedly: I'm not hungover anymore!
Group of friends: Yay!
Friend: Let's start all over!

–F Train

Posted on September 17, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Weirdness

At Least I Have a Rack, Little Miss Mosquito-Bites

Teacher, guiding field trip: Don’t you look cute today, April?! I love your dress. I wish I could wear one like it.
Kindergarten girl: Maybe if you lost some weight, you could.

–L train

Posted on September 17, 2014
Clothing, Comebacks, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Teachers/Professors

What Happens Between Starbucks Runs #22 and #23

Girl: I’m going to bed when I get home.
Mom: OK, if I get up before you and I want to do something fun, then should I wake you up?
Girl: It depends on what “fun” is. If it’s one of your ninety-seven Starbucks runs, then no. If it’s chasing the dog around the house going “Eeeeee!” then, yeah, sure.

–B train

Posted on September 16, 2014
Animals & Nature, Man's Best Friend, On the Subway, Parents, Teens, We Love Our Pets

I Was Also Afraid Of How He Made Me Feel

HS guy: He’s just so irritatingly flamboyant. The first day of class I didn’t want to sit in the front row. I was afraid he’d burst into flames.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Posted on September 15, 2014
Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, School and studying, Students

On the Subway