Penis

Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Dad: Wash your hands
Little boy: I don’t have to. I didn’t touch anything.
Dad: You touched yourself.

–Yankee Stadium Men’s Room

Overheard by: Jersey Guy

Guy: Yeah, these Speedos won’t work for me. My dick’s too big for them. They never fit right.
Shopgirl: I’ve never seen a customer with that problem. Let’s see what else fits your.. you.

–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway

Headline by: jgordon

Runners-Up:
· “A cock and bull story” – Guy

· “Finally, it matters.” – Ben Allaire

· “Try to contain yourself” – Jenny

· “We’ll just ignore the fact that your ass is too big for them, too” – Silvyr


· “Talk about a suspicious package…” – girlhattan

· “Clerks III: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – JB

· “Everybody Wants to Fit In” – Dave Barnette

· “Pop Goes The Weasel” – Paul

· “He has the same problem with hats” – Kendal

· “If she keeps talking like that, they’ll fit even worse.” – bill

· “Quite a Pickle” – Dave Barnette

· “Speedon’t” – Sean McGurr

· “Too big for his britches” – suzie g

· “I am one size fits all” – twosko

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Girl #1: How much dead dick do we have to look at today?
Girl #2: This has to be fake. There’s no way any man this small was packing that much heat down there.

Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Catherine

Father: And that’s where Mommy is.
Little boy: That’s where the penis is!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: E.B. Dresner

Queer #1: My friend Sarah is usually into guido jock boys, and it never works out. Now she’s with a short guy with a belly who’s losing his hair, and she’s never been happier.
Queer #2: I guess, but having a short fat guy with a small dick fuck your asshole until it bleeds just isn’t the same.

–51st & 9th

Girl #1: Hey, we gave your boyfriend a new nickname!
Girl #2: Oh yeah, what?
Girl #1: Puff the Magic Dragon!
Girl #2, slightly exasperated: Oh…is that because of his cock?

–Cheap Shots, East Village

Sista #1: I wish he’d take them fuckin’ pants off do I could see what he got to work with.
Sista #2: He’s a whopper!
Sista #1: His dick could make him money, man.

–Union Square

Overheard by: lost soul

Twentysomething girl #1: After seeing that last body, I understand how he really did break his penis last year.
Twentysomething girl #2: Yeah, and you said he was just faking it.

Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport

Drunk guy: What is this, some sort of sausage fest in here or something?

–The Park men’s room, 10th Avenue