Father: And that’s where Mommy is.
Little boy: That’s where the penis is!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: E.B. Dresner
Queer #1: My friend Sarah is usually into guido jock boys, and it never works out. Now she’s with a short guy with a belly who’s losing his hair, and she’s never been happier.
Queer #2: I guess, but having a short fat guy with a small dick fuck your asshole until it bleeds just isn’t the same.
–51st & 9th
Girl #1: Hey, we gave your boyfriend a new nickname!
Girl #2: Oh yeah, what?
Girl #1: Puff the Magic Dragon!
Girl #2, slightly exasperated: Oh…is that because of his cock?
–Cheap Shots, East Village
Sista #1: I wish he’d take them fuckin’ pants off do I could see what he got to work with.
Sista #2: He’s a whopper!
Sista #1: His dick could make him money, man.
–Union Square
Overheard by: lost soul
Twentysomething girl #1: After seeing that last body, I understand how he really did break his penis last year.
Twentysomething girl #2: Yeah, and you said he was just faking it.
—Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport
Drunk guy: What is this, some sort of sausage fest in here or something?
–The Park men’s room, 10th Avenue
Girl: I think its a complete failure as an expression of ideology, but it is aesthetically pleasing.
Guy: What, circumcision?
Girl: No, Futurism.
–MoMA
Overheard by: Ian W.
Guy #1: We goin’ uptown or downtown?
Guy #2: Nigga, we goin’ sideways.
–L train
Girl: I went to Boston this weekend. Mostly just to avoid the L train.
–Williamsburg
Guy: I can’t believe I was cockblocked by the L train.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Chelsea Miller
A little tries to stuff his baseball cap in his pants.
Mother: That cap belongs on your head!
Little boy: It is on my head.
–Macy’s, West 34th Street
Girl: Do you smell that? Smells like straight up pussy in this bitch.
Guy: I wouldn’t know.
Girl: What do you mean you wouldn’t know? It’s pussy.
Guy: I wouldn’t know. I’m gay.
Girl: Damn, son. So what does dick smell like?
Guy: Wouldn’t you know? I mean when you get on your knees?
–M14D bus
Overheard by: Janelle Someone
