Queer #1: I’d rather lose my legs than my hands.
Queer #2: I could probably lose a couple of fingers and still be happy.
Queer #1: What if you lost your dick?
Queer #2: I’d just turn it in and make a vagina.
Queer #1: So you’d basically turn yourself into a woman?
Queer #2: No, I’d still be a man, but with a vagina.
Queer #1: But you wouldn’t feel anything.
Queer #2: I’d still use it.
–34th & 2nd
Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!…He has a huge penis!
–189th St
Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.
–Red Hook
Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Madhu Maganti
Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.
–Park Avenue & 29th Street
Overheard by: 11221
Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.
–Times Square
Overheard by: laura
Woman: Aaah! I’ve got baby penises in my eye!
–Sephora, Times Square
Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.
–Bed-Stuy
Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.
–77th & 2nd
Overheard by: Joseph
Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.
–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St
Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!
–Times Square
Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.
–F train
Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.
–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York
Overheard by: Aaron
Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?
–Circle Line
Overheard by: emily
Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.
–Central Park
Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.
–Battery Park
Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.
–Lindy’s, 7th Ave
Overheard by: joemikehap
Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!
–F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.
–Grand Central
Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.
–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!
–Times Square
Younger woman: Have you seen any of the Chihuly glass?
Elderly woman: Yes, it looks like penises with diseases!
–New York Botanical Garden, the Bronx
Guy #1: Don’t you hate when you are sitting on a toilet and need to spit, so you try to aim your spit in between your legs into the water, but you miss and get it all over your dick?
Guy #2: No, I never miss.
–G train
Thug, to his friend: Yo, there are mad bitches in this hood. Why you eyeballin’ me?
–73rd & York
Overheard by: I was eyeballin’ him too
Dude: I can’t believe that sausage fest! There were no females up in that bitch!
–103rd & Lex
Overheard by: robin b
Lady: You know what the difference between her and Lonny is? She’s nice, and Lonny’s a bitch.
–Tennis courts, Central Park
B&T boyfriend, calling angrily out the window of his car: Bitch, I love you!
–White St, between Lafayette & Canal
Man to old blind lady: Watch where you’re going, bitch!
–12th St & 6th Ave
Guy, laughing at friend who dropped his coffee: That’s gravity, bitch!
–49th & 8th
Queer on cell: Oh my God, she, like, worships me…Yeah, I know, I’m totally the best thing that ever happend to her…Oh, no, I can’t stand her. She’s a total skanky bitch, bitch, bitch!
–Peanut Butter & Co, Sullivan St
White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Casey
Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis.
–St. Mark’s
Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: aq
Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts!
–117th & 5th
Overheard by: robin b
JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was!
–Uptown 5 train
Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities.
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: Gwen
Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person.
–N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens
Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black!
–Jamba Juice, University Place
Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black?
–21st & 6th
Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks.
–Orchard & Houston
Overheard by: white folk
Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black.
–Upper West Side
Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes?
–Wendy’s, W 34th St
JAP: I hate being white!
–66th & Broadway
White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority.
–Chinatown
White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life.
–Penn Station
Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga!
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate
Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’!
–Times Square
Overheard by: bully
Girl #1: I noticed his abs.
Girl #2: I noticed his ripped shirt.
Girl #3: Wait, so neither of you noticed his huge erection?
–F train
Overheard by: Michelle
Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!
–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jesse
Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.
–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital
Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.
–16th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: alyssa
Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?
–Chili’s, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ada and Andi
Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.
–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th
Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.
–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria
Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: plo
Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?
–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island
Overheard by: Shamrocknroll
