Younger woman: Have you seen any of the Chihuly glass?
Elderly woman: Yes, it looks like penises with diseases!
–New York Botanical Garden, the Bronx
Younger woman: Have you seen any of the Chihuly glass?
Elderly woman: Yes, it looks like penises with diseases!
–New York Botanical Garden, the Bronx
Guy #1: Don’t you hate when you are sitting on a toilet and need to spit, so you try to aim your spit in between your legs into the water, but you miss and get it all over your dick?
Guy #2: No, I never miss.
–G train
Thug, to his friend: Yo, there are mad bitches in this hood. Why you eyeballin’ me?
–73rd & York
Overheard by: I was eyeballin’ him too
Dude: I can’t believe that sausage fest! There were no females up in that bitch!
–103rd & Lex
Overheard by: robin b
Lady: You know what the difference between her and Lonny is? She’s nice, and Lonny’s a bitch.
–Tennis courts, Central Park
B&T boyfriend, calling angrily out the window of his car: Bitch, I love you!
–White St, between Lafayette & Canal
Man to old blind lady: Watch where you’re going, bitch!
–12th St & 6th Ave
Guy, laughing at friend who dropped his coffee: That’s gravity, bitch!
–49th & 8th
Queer on cell: Oh my God, she, like, worships me…Yeah, I know, I’m totally the best thing that ever happend to her…Oh, no, I can’t stand her. She’s a total skanky bitch, bitch, bitch!
–Peanut Butter & Co, Sullivan St
White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Casey
Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis.
–St. Mark’s
Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: aq
Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts!
–117th & 5th
Overheard by: robin b
JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was!
–Uptown 5 train
Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities.
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: Gwen
Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person.
–N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens
Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black!
–Jamba Juice, University Place
Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black?
–21st & 6th
Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks.
–Orchard & Houston
Overheard by: white folk
Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black.
–Upper West Side
Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes?
–Wendy’s, W 34th St
JAP: I hate being white!
–66th & Broadway
White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority.
–Chinatown
White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life.
–Penn Station
Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga!
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate
Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’!
–Times Square
Overheard by: bully
Girl #1: I noticed his abs.
Girl #2: I noticed his ripped shirt.
Girl #3: Wait, so neither of you noticed his huge erection?
–F train
Overheard by: Michelle
Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!
–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jesse
Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.
–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital
Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.
–16th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: alyssa
Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?
–Chili’s, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ada and Andi
Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.
–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th
Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.
–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria
Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: plo
Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?
–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island
Overheard by: Shamrocknroll
Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Dad: Wash your hands
Little boy: I don’t have to. I didn’t touch anything.
Dad: You touched yourself.
–Yankee Stadium Men’s Room
Overheard by: Jersey Guy
Guy: Yeah, these Speedos won’t work for me. My dick’s too big for them. They never fit right.
Shopgirl: I’ve never seen a customer with that problem. Let’s see what else fits your.. you.
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Headline by: jgordon
Runners-Up:
· “A cock and bull story” – Guy
· “Finally, it matters.” – Ben Allaire
· “Try to contain yourself” – Jenny
· “We’ll just ignore the fact that your ass is too big for them, too” – Silvyr
· “Talk about a suspicious package…” – girlhattan
· “Clerks III: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – JB
· “Everybody Wants to Fit In” – Dave Barnette
· “Pop Goes The Weasel” – Paul
· “He has the same problem with hats” – Kendal
· “If she keeps talking like that, they’ll fit even worse.” – bill
· “Quite a Pickle” – Dave Barnette
· “Speedon’t” – Sean McGurr
· “Too big for his britches” – suzie g
· “I am one size fits all” – twosko
Girl #1: How much dead dick do we have to look at today?
Girl #2: This has to be fake. There’s no way any man this small was packing that much heat down there.
—Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Catherine
