Singing hobo: I’m gonna praise Him! I’m gonna thank Him in His naaaame!
Dude #1 gives the hobo a dollar.
Singing hobo: Thank you. God bless you.
Dude #2: Dude, my balls still hurt.
Dude #1: Did you take anything?
–Northbound N
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Dork #1: Is that a stick in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Dork #2: What? What did you say?
Dork #1: Never mind, man.
Dork #2: Is it penis? Are you talking about penis again? I’VE HAD ENOUGH. No more penis.
–M96 bus
Overheard by: Lauren Michelle
Queer #1: I’m stuffed.
Queer #2: Yeah. I’m not gonna put another thing in my mouth tonight unless it’s a cock.
–18th & 8th
Gigantic suit, urinating outside: Excuse me, ladies. I apologize for that.
Ladies: It’s OK.
Gigantic suit: There’s a big black cock on the loose.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: becca
Abercrombie teen #1: I know it’s in this neighborhood and it’s definitely below Fourth Street.
Queer: Where ju wanna go, honny? Da Cock is down ovah dere.
Abercrombie teen #2: Uh, we’re not looking for the Cock.
Queer: Den ju should go home and change ju clothes!
–2nd Ave & 3rd St
Overheard by: Manhattman
Girl on cell: Mom, are you drunk at Wal-Mart again?
–86th & Lex
Drunk man: I can’t believe they took Ray’s fucking Pizza out of the Ferry Terminal. How am I supposed to sober up before I go home now?
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Drunk guy: I have to move down to this end of the train because, if I don’t, I’m gonna hit that motherfucker down there. I know I only want to hit him because I’ve been drinking. If I wasn’t drinking, he wouldn’t bother me. If I had been drinking more, I’d just hit him. But right now I’m caught in a strange netherworld and I’ll just chill down here.
–1 train
Overheard by: Susan Elliott
Guy on cell: What? That ungrateful, lying bitch. I can drink more Jack through my dick than he could spill on a table!
–Times Square
Guy: Man, I don’t care if they call Protective Services on me. When my kid turns ten, I’ll be like, “You’re ready. Let’s go get hammered.” No fuckin’ way I’m waiting ’til he’s eleven.
–7th St & 2nd Ave
50-Something guy on cell: Yeah, I just spoke to Kate, and everything is wonderful. The liquor stores are open, and people are riding bicycles.
–1st Ave between 9th & 10th
Overheard by: LiAps
Enemy of Bill W.: If we pass a bar, do you guys mind stopping? I just need it chug a beer. It will literally take me 4 seconds.
–3rd St & 1st Ave
Queer #1: I’d rather lose my legs than my hands.
Queer #2: I could probably lose a couple of fingers and still be happy.
Queer #1: What if you lost your dick?
Queer #2: I’d just turn it in and make a vagina.
Queer #1: So you’d basically turn yourself into a woman?
Queer #2: No, I’d still be a man, but with a vagina.
Queer #1: But you wouldn’t feel anything.
Queer #2: I’d still use it.
–34th & 2nd
Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!…He has a huge penis!
–189th St
Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.
–Red Hook
Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Madhu Maganti
Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.
–Park Avenue & 29th Street
Overheard by: 11221
Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.
–Times Square
Overheard by: laura
Woman: Aaah! I’ve got baby penises in my eye!
–Sephora, Times Square
Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.
–Bed-Stuy
Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.
–77th & 2nd
Overheard by: Joseph
Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.
–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St
Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!
–Times Square
Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.
–F train
Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.
–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York
Overheard by: Aaron
Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?
–Circle Line
Overheard by: emily
Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.
–Central Park
Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.
–Battery Park
Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.
–Lindy’s, 7th Ave
Overheard by: joemikehap
Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!
–F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.
–Grand Central
Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.
–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!
–Times Square
