Girl #1: Where is Jose, anyway?
Girl #2: Boyfriended.
Girl #1: Is that like an island or something?
Girl #2: No, it's a state of being.
–Manhattan Ave & India St
Girl #1: Where is Jose, anyway?
Girl #2: Boyfriended.
Girl #1: Is that like an island or something?
Girl #2: No, it's a state of being.
–Manhattan Ave & India St
Vendor: Can I ask you a question?
Girl: No.
Vendor: Can I grab your ass?
Girl: No.
–Time Square
Fat preppy girl: Oh my god! Is that a rhinoceros? I didn't know they still existed!
Friend: Yeah, that's one right there.
Fat preppy girl: But I thought dinosaurs were extinct?
–Bronx Zoo
Headline by: JohnAustin
Runners-Up:
· “Apparently, You’ve Never Watched “The View”” – PeterG
· “No, Just My Faith in Our Education System” – Jeff
· “She Thinks That About Salads Too” – Tom
· “That Would Explain Why the Hippo Looked So Real!” – Pat
· “This Is a Creationist Zoo” – Coyoty
· “Why Didn’t You TELL Me We’re in a Museum?” – Emily Leonard
· “You’re Confusing It With the Do-Ya-Think-He-Saurus” – Skug Skellum
Preteen boy #1: My new girlfriend told me to meet her there after school.
Preteen boy #2: Why don't you just call her and tell her you'll be late?
Preteen boy #1: I don't have her number.
Preteen boy #2: How is she your girlfriend if you don't even have her phone number?
Preteen boy #1: Cause I kissed her on the lips and she liked it!
–L Train
Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?
–48th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jnaz
Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!
–The Water Club, 30th & FDR
Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date
Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.
–F Train
Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!
Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.
–L Train
Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!
–Union Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Casey
Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.
–Union Square
Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message
Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julia
Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.
–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Amber
20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: spf
Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?
–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: onelinerwonder
(conductor closes subway doors on relatively empty train, preventing a throng of people from boarding)
3-year-old girl: Mommy, why did he do that?
Mother: Because he's mean!
–1 Train
Overheard by: M
Woman #1: Do you want sugar cookies, or chocolate chip cookies?
Woman #2 (about 5 feet away, studying nutrition facts): Hmm?
Woman #1: Would you prefer fucking sugar cookies or chocolate fucking chip?
Woman #2 (coming over): What are you talking about?
Woman #1 (yelling): Which fucking cookie do you want?
Woman #2: Hm, you choose. (walks away)
–The Food Emporium, 48th St
Elderly female employee, out on smoke break: So I met this gentleman at the coffee shop the other day.
More elderly woman: How do you know he was a gentleman?
Elderly female employee: I don't, but I sure hope he's not.
–CVS Pharmacy
