Overly enthusiastic white dad: What are you saying no to?
Toddler: No no no no no no no!
Overly enthusiastic white dad: Are you saying no to drugs?
Toddler: No no no no no no no!
Overly enthusiastic white dad: Are you not saying no to drugs? Are you doing drugs?
–73rd between Broadway and West End
Overheard by: UpperWestsidette
[Woman walks into restroom with two small girls. Girls notice puke on the floor.]Girl #1: Mommy, what’s that?
Mom: That’s puke.
Girl #2: Why did she puke?
Mom: She probably didn’t feel well. Mommy’s going to do that later because mommy’s had way too much to drink!
–T.G.I. Friday’s, Staten Island
Overheard by: Did I just hear that?
Four-year-old daughter to father: Will you buy me a beer?
Father: I don’t know. Will you buy me a beer?
–82nd & Amsterdam
Guy: That’s the house George Washington grew up in.
Girl: Wait, really?
Guy: No, you dumb bitch. Why did I ever marry you?
–70th Ave, Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: emma
[A lady running up subway stairs slips and falls]Guy walking behind her: Are you okay?
Lady, rudely: Ugh… Mind your own business.
Guy: I’m glad you fell.
–Willoughby St & Myrtle Promenade
Overheard by: azzie
Salesperson to small shaking dog: Are you cold or scared?
Man holding small shaking dog: He’s afraid of dildos.
–Babeland, LES
Ghetto girl #1: Oh mah gah, you remember those two girls we saw at that one club last night?
Ghetto girl #2: Which ones? The ones who were trying to pop, lock, and drop it, when they was dropping it before they was locking it?
–Starbucks, Penn Station
Overheard by: Noah Tizzle
Four-year-old, walking with father: I can spell “Ma-ma”.
Father, to himself: Bitch didn’t teach her how to spell my name, did she?
–9th St & 2nd Ave
Older woman: Oh, is this your first baby?
Young pregnant girl: No, this is my last baby!
–Times Square Station
Boy, to uninterested girl: You gotta date me! What you mean you only date 25-year-olds? Do you know what 25-year-old guys do?? They masturbate. All the time. It’s true -my dad told me.
–Fordham Road Subway Station
Overheard by: …as opposed to guys of all other ages??
Girl on cell: They keep doing it, and it’s ridiculous. I mean, they should just whack it off in the bathroom like everybody else does.
–Auditions, 35th & 8th
Chick on cell: What’s wrong with jerking off in the baggage claim at the start of a three day weekend?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Surly stocker to fellow coworker: If they keep calling me upstairs, I am not going to have time to eat, or masturbate, or anything!
–Duane Reade, 58th & 8th
Overheard by: I’m busy too
Boy on cell: I’ve never gone all the way with anyone -you know? [Pause.] … I’m just enjoying myself.
–Broadway , Near Columbia University
Overheard by: julie
